


Fingertips

by blkkskknhed



Series: Ballet-Fingertips!Verse [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Ballet, Dancing, F/M, Falling In Love, Heartache, Jane feels, Loki Has Issues, Love, M/M, Romance, Thor Is Not Stupid, explicit sexual times, loads more but i want to save the plot, ridiculous clichés, sexy Loki dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:31:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blkkskknhed/pseuds/blkkskknhed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ballet!AU. </p><p>“You see now why you should be honored to even share a stage with that man?” Tony challenges, turning to face Jane.</p><p>Jane nods slowly.</p><p>“Yes. That was…just-”</p><p>“Mediocre.” Loki snarls as he throws himself onto the ground at their feet.</p><p>Or:</p><p>Loki is the premier danseur of a rather prestigious ballet production, directed by the insightful Tony Stark. Jane is his new premiere danseuse. The pair don't know each other and it shows in their dancing. Tony insists they get to know each other outside of the dance studio. They do so reluctantly, neither of them prepared for or expecting the life-changing events that occur as their story unfolds...</p><p>FINAL CHAPTER UP</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My first try at the Thor/Avengers fandom.

He runs one, long, elegant finger along her side, lightly tracing the side of her small, neat breast as he catches her underarm and raises it for her, their fingers entwining as they stretch their limbs easily. Her back is pressed against his chest and she can feel his hips slowly tilting backwards so that she falls into him even more. They both slide their left leg along the polished, wooden floor in sync and she presses her behind against the tops of his thighs so that they almost appear to be one being, moving together with one fluid movement. She turns her face as he lowers his and their cheeks press together sweetly, both of them closing their eyes, as if to savour the moment. Their arms fall back to their sides and they both stand still, breathing heavily through their noses, waiting.

“Well. I have seen more chemistry and sexual tension between two slices of soggy bread.” Tony barks, jumping up from his seat impatiently. “That was awful.”

Loki steps away from his dance partner, his emerald eyes sparkling dangerously.

“It is hardly my fault! It is like dancing with a piece of wood!” he snaps.

Jane glares at him, not bothering to shield the hurt in her eyes. Her small shoulders slump in defeat and she folds her arms across her chest defensively.

“That’s not fair, Loki.” She says quietly. “I’ve been working really hard and-”

“And I’ll tell you what!” Tony interrupts with a loud clap of his hands. “I appreciate that you guys have only been dancing together for a few weeks so either you fuck and get to know each other better or you guys hang out outside of the studio and learn some things about one another, okay? Because, and listen closely kids, I’ve got a show that will be opening in less than three months and if you guys don’t pull your shit together Natasha and Steve will take the leads. Understood?”

Loki flares his nostrils, his lips pinched and a livid expression on his face. Jane just nods miserably. Loki glowers at Tony furiously, holding up one shaking finger.

“I will not fuck that!” he hisses.

Tony frowns and looks Jane up and down uncertainly.

“She’s pretty. You could do worse.” He argues.

Jane flushes deeply and bows her head, her caramel coloured hair falling in front of her face. Loki sniffs disdainfully and spins around on his heels with all the grace expected of a well-trained dancer. He marches over to her and grabs her shoulders, forcing her to look up.

“I do not wish to fuck you and you do not wish to fuck me so you may cook me dinner tonight.” He declares before flouncing out of the room, his dark hair whipping around his shoulders. “And I don’t eat take out or anything processed.”

Tony laughs and watches him go with an appreciative look on his face. Jane eyes him in disgust as she watches him eye Loki’s pert bottom lewdly. 

“Just wait, he’ll grow on you too.” He sighs.

Jane shakes her head fiercely and shoots Tony a filthy look.

“You promised me that you would find me a dance partner I could work with. I can’t work with him! We’ve nothing in common; our styles aren’t even similar!” She accuses.

Tony raises a surprised eyebrow and shrugs.

“I thought you would have been honoured. He’s got quite a name for himself. You should really be dancing to his beat, you know. You’re much easier to replace than he is. I’ve got twenty girls that could replace you.” He says honestly.

She blinks in surprise, shocked by the bluntness of his statement. She was one of the best dancers in her class and she works hard for the skills she has achieved. Loki was an impossible partner. He was hostile and unpredictable and danced with the kind of strength and power that almost scared her. He was brash and stubborn and always shot any of Jane's ideas down with hurtful, scathing words. 

Jane shakes her head once again and turns to leave, feeling Tony’s leer rake the length of her back and backside hotly.

“Stop staring at my ass!” She demands as she stalks across the stage angrily.

.

 

Jane smiles warmly when she sees Thor leaning against his car lazily, his blonde hair tied back in a messy ponytail. She speeds over to him and jumps into his arms, much to his surprise. He chuckles deeply and embraces her happily, dropping a kiss to her forehead.

“Good rehearsal?” he questions as he places her back on the ground.

Jane pulls a face and steps away from her boyfriend, looking up into his kind, open face.

“Terrible. I’m a terrible dancer and I have a terrible dance partner.” She sighs.

“I resent that.” A cool voice informs them.

Jane turns around and sees Loki stepping out the side-entrance, dressed head to toe in black, as usual. His tight black t-shirt and skinny jeans hug his lithe figure. His sweaty hair is pushed back off his face by a pair of over-sized sunglasses, despite the fact that it’s pitch-dark and the middle of winter. He drapes a leather jacket over one shoulder and Jane half expects to see big, dirty black boots gracing his feet but is surprised to look down and see that he is going barefoot. He looks amazing, as he always does. She feels rather small and frumpy in comparison when she glances down at her plain black leggings and Thor's over-sized shirt.

“Ah.” Thor smiles warmly, stepping forward and offering him his hand. “You must be Loki.”

Loki ignores the hand and shrugs into his tight leather jacket, the piece of clothing instantly adding bulk to his rather small frame. He sidesteps Thor and pulls the passenger door open. He eyes the beat up Chevrolet in clear distaste and folds himself into the front seat neatly. Thor raises an eyebrow at Jane who just waves at him dismissively. 

“I’ll tell you later.” She sighs, climbing into the back seat wearily.

Thor shrugs and makes his way over to the driver’s side and seats himself behind the wheel.

“So. Where do you need to go?” Thor asks generously.

Loki sighs as Thor is being difficult and pulls his shades down over his eyes.

“Your house, apartment, shack; wherever it is you two squat. Your darling little girlfriend has offered to cook me dinner.”

“I wouldn’t say that I offered, exactly.” Jane interjects. “Or cook.”

Thor just nods patiently, a feeling of foreboding washing over him. Whenever Jane cooked, it was always, always without fail always, a disaster.

 

.

 

“Ok.” Jane whispers. “You offer him some wine whilst I go see if we still have those crackers from last Christmas.”

Thor pulls a face.

“I think they might be expired by now, Jane.”

Jane sighs and runs a hand through her hair, clearly frazzled.

“Well. I think we have breadsticks somewhere… I just need to find a snack that will buy some time. Do we still have some of your mom’s hummus?”

“I think it’s in the freezer.” He mutters.

Jane nods. 

“Ok. Ok. Ok, so you’re on wine duty. Get him drunk so he won’t notice how bad the food actually is.” She orders, shooing Thor out of the kitchen distractedly.

Thor walks into the living room with two bottles of the first wine Jane could find in their over-crowded alcohol shelf. Loki is lying on their old, patchy sofa, his dark hair fanned out against their dark green cushions, his emerald eyes watching Thor almost calculatingly. Thor grins nervously and offers Loki a glass of wine. 

“Dinner shouldn’t be too long.” He announces, awkwardly perching himself on the edge of the sofa, leaving their only armchair for Jane.

Loki lifts his feet so that Thor can sit back a bit further, which the larger man does. He does not, however, expect Loki to then drop his feet on his lap, his toes curling happily as he burrows them beneath the cushion beside Thor. Loki sniffs the wine before taking a small sip. He pulls a face and places the glass on the floor beside him.

“That should have been opened a few hours ago and left at room temperature to allow it to breathe.” Loki explains when Thor raises a questioning eyebrow.

“Know much about wine then?” Thor asks.

Loki shakes his head, letting his eyes to drift closed once again.

“Hardly anything at all, but what I do know I expect every other idiot to know too.” He sighs.

Thor rolls his eyes and goes to turn on the television. He knows Jane will make him pay later for his rudeness but Loki seems quite content to drape himself across their furniture and insult them so fuck it. He turns on some music channel, one of those desperate dance tunes soon filling the awkward silence in the living room. Thor watches the women dance around in leotards with disinterest, his fingers tapping out the beat on his knee, his other hand resting on Loki’s ankles, his glass of wine tucked between his own legs. He silently wills Jane to hurry up; the longer they go without talking the more uncomfortable Thor becomes. He casts a glance at Loki, whose eyes were still closed but his hips were swaying ever so slightly to beat blaring from the television, the hem of his t-shirt having risen to reveal a small patch of smooth, alabaster skin. Thor cannot help but stare as he watches the pale, slim hips beside him move almost hypnotically. Loki cracks one eye open and Thor realizes that he had been stroking the other man’s ankles. Thor flushes furiously as Loki stops moving his hips, his brows furrowed as he sits up, dragging his feet off of Thor’s lap. He looks as though he is about to say something when Jane enters the room with three steaming bowls of pasta and sauce. Thor quickly turns the television off and offers her a small, guilty grin that she doesn't seem to notice.

“It’s not much but I mean, we weren’t really expecting company and we usually just have some fish and some kind of salad and-”

“You may proceed to blabber if you wish but please do not be offended when I fail to listen.” Loki sighs as he accepts one of the bowls.

Jane flusters slightly and shoots Thor an anxious glance. Thor smiles at her encouragingly and nods. She hadn’t burned anything; that was always a plus. Loki sniffs at the meal for a quick moment before proceeding to stuff the food into his mouth with such gusto that both Jane and Thor are slightly taken aback, eyeing the usually refined dancer with matching expressions of surprise.

“Um. Do you want some cheese?” Jane offers awkwardly.

Loki looks up and catches himself as he seems to notice that no one else has begun eating yet. He chews his mouthful slowly and places his knife and fork down as he nods at Jane.

“Yes.” He mutters. “Please.”

Jane hands him some fresh mozzarella and begins to eat her own meal. Loki breaks the cheese over his pasta and continues to eat his meal, much slower than before. They eat mostly in silence and by the time Loki is finished his large bowl, he is feeling sleepy and exhausted. He waits until the others have finished and once they have, he gathers the bowls, quick as a flash and brings them into the kitchen. Thor stares after him with his mouth slightly open causing Jane to giggle.

“He is strange.” Thor decides, shaking his head to himself.

Loki reappears at the kitchen door and flashes them both a tight smile.

“Well. I must be off. Thank you for that substantial yet sub-par meal. I shall see you tomorrow Jane.” He declares, pulling his leather jacket on once again.

“Do you wanna ride?” Thor offers helpfully.

Loki twists his face thoughtfully before shaking his head.

“But you’ve no shoes on?” Jane points out.

Loki fiddles in the pockets of his leather jacket and drags out two folded over flip flops. They look battered and well-worn but neither Thor nor Jane dares comment. Loki gives them a small smile before leaving the room and making his way to their front door. Thor waits until he hears the familiar click of the lock before laughing, a loud and booming laugh. Jane giggles alongside him and shakes her head in disbelief.

“Now do you get why I could never have a ‘good’ rehearsal?”

.

She watches him in envy. His leaps are graceful and controlled with feline-like precision. When he lands it seems almost as if he is weightless. His eyes are fixed, determined as he spins with such strength that Jane can feel herself become breathless. His form is slight and yet the strength that radiates from him is like a glowing, burning heat. 

“Good. Adagio.” Tony calls from his seat in the corner of the dance-hall.

Loki slows his spin down and begins to dance slow, enfolding movements. He is as fluid as water as he twirls with ease, effortlessly extending his right leg and bending until his body is almost horizontal. He holds himself in position without even the slightest tremble and Jane finds that she cannot help but clap when Tony tells Loki he’s done. Loki shoots her a quizzical look as he makes his way over to them.

“You see now why you should be honoured to even share a stage with that man?” Tony challenges, turning to face Jane.

Jane nods slowly.

“Yes. That was…just-”

“Mediocre.” Loki snarls as he throws himself onto the ground at their feet.

Tony leans forward to ruffle his hair and laughs at Loki’s scandalized expression.

“Relax, ok? That was good; not great but still very good. That turn, the pirouette á la seconde; that is fucking hard and you nailed it.” Tony insists with a smile.

Loki remains silent and tucks his legs under his chin, his emerald eyes boring into hers. Jane raises an eyebrow and Loki rolls his eyes as if she were being deliberately obtuse.

“Why did you clap when it was no good? Were you mocking me?” he demands quietly.

Jane cannot help but smile at him and stands up, offering him her hand.

“Come on. I need to practice.”

Much to her surprise he takes her hand and allows her to lead him to the center of the stage. She stands in front of him and wraps his arms around her waist, the heat from his earlier exertion rolling off of him in waves. 

“From Act II?” He breathes against her neck.

Jane hums her response and closes her eyes as the soft, sweet melody fills the room. Loki runs his index finger along her side, tickling her almost as he traces the side of her breast. He catches her underarm in his hot hand and they raise it together, their fingers entwining as they extend their arms gracefully. Jane presses her back against his chest and allows her eyes to close as she feels the familiar roll of his hips that cause her to fall against him even more. In complete sync they slide their left legs along the floor and she goes to press her behind against the tops of his thighs only to find that his right leg is shaking violently as he bears both their weights. Tony seems to notice as well and turns the music off abruptly. They straighten up and step away from each other. Jane can see the pinched look on Loki’s face as he regards Tony coolly, awaiting the reprimanding. 

“Loki, go cool down and shower. I’m gonna work with Jane for a bit.” Tony announces, kicking off his trainers.

Loki opens his mouth to argue but Jane places a soothing hand on his forearm and smiles at him sweetly.

“Go.” She says softly.

Loki, much to her surprise, does as he is told.

“Is he ok?” Jane asks Tony once Loki has left the hall.

Tony shrugs.

“This happens from time to time. That kid pushes himself to the limit; that’s how he’s gotten to be as good as he is. It takes dedication and that guy has got it in bucket-loads.” Tony says with a small chuckle. “Sometimes his body just gives up.”

 

.

 

Loki showers hurriedly, ignoring all of Steve’s attempts at conversation.

“I saw you practice.” He says breathlessly. “You were really good.”

Loki turns his back on him and continues to scrub himself, wishing the idiot would leave him in peace. Finally he can hear Natasha calling him, asking him to practice with her. Loki breathes a sigh of relief when he is finally alone and steps out of the shower, quickly toweling himself dry. He pulls on a ripped pair of denim trousers and a tight black shirt. He throws on his leather jacket and slips into a pair of loafers. He musses his hair up slightly and goes to make his way out of the backstage door, wondering whether he should ambush Jane and force her to feed him again. He decides that despite her lack of skills, she is a tolerable person to be around. Loki strolls out into the cool night air and sighs happily to himself as the crisp, fresh wind almost stings his cheeks. He meanders through the alley when he hears someone calling his name.

“Loki!”

He turns and fights a grimace when he sees Thor waving at him buoyantly as he stands beside his old Chevrolet like some incredibly handsome cliché. He rolls his eyes and saunters over, taking in Thor’s pleasing form. The man was tall, taller than Loki and well-built, his muscles desperately fighting the constraints of his too thin grey top and fraying jeans. His blonde hair is hanging around his face in loose, wavy tendrils and all Loki wants to do is brush them aside to reveal more of that handsome face.

“Jane won’t be finished for a while, Tony is working with her on her solo parts.” He announces.

Thor frowns slightly before nodding.

“It’s ok. I’ll just go grab a coffee then.” He decides.

Loki is unsure of what to say next so he just hums non-committedly before shoving his hands deep inside his pockets and scuffing his shoes along the sidewalk.

“Do you want to come?” He asks as he pulls on a tight, well-fitted red jumper.

Loki chews on his lips uncertainly. He wasn’t a fan of the oaf. He seemed too simple for Loki’s taste and Jane’s stories of what the pair got up to at the weekend usually consisted of eating out, sex and movies; dull, repetitive and mundane. But when he glances back up at Thor and sees the kind, warm smile on his face, he cannot help but nod. Thor chuckles and locks his car.

“Know anywhere good?” he asks as they begin to walk away from the theater together.

Loki points across the road to a rather run-down looking diner. Thor raises an eyebrow and smiles.

“Really? Doesn’t seem like your kind of place.” He says wryly.

Loki shoots him a puzzled look.

“You hardly know me, how would you know what ‘my kind of place’ would be like?” he demands.

Thor shrugs, still smiling that infuriatingly lovely smile of his.

“I don’t know. I just had you pinned down as the kind of guy who would drink over-priced lattes in some quaint little French café.” He laughs.

“You mean you judged me before you even got to know me?” Loki drawls sarcastically. “ Wow. No one has ever done that before.”

Thor just waves his large hand at him dismissively.

“I know you do it as well. Come on. Judge me.” He challenges.

Loki snorts and shakes his head.

“No. I’m not stooping to your level.” He says with a small smile.

Thor laughs loudly and grins at him.

“You’ve already judged me! I know you have!” he insists.

Loki remains silent and leads them into the diner, nodding at the waitress who smiles at them when they enter. Loki orders them both a cappuccino and goes to sit in favourite booth by the window. Thor follows him, still asking Loki to judge him.

“C’mon!” He demands loudly, slamming his hands against the sticky plastic table beneath them. 

Loki jumps at the noise and casts Thor a withering look.

“Oaf.” He sniffs, folding himself into the seat, ignoring the aches of his exhausted body.

Thor winks at him and leans back in his seat.

“We’re getting there. So you thought I was an oaf when you first met me?” he questions.

Loki rolls his eyes and sighs heavily.

“I still have only just met you! Two meetings does not make us friends or remotely familiar with each other. I am Jane’s dance partner, you are her boyfriend and that’s all we will ever be to each other. You do not need to pretend to like me and I don’t need to force myself to make mundane, idiotic conversation with you. We are having a coffee together as we wait for Jane. We have one common interest; Jane. If I met you in any other circumstances I wouldn’t spare you a second glance. You look like that idiot man that was a brainless jock in highschool and is now stuck in some repetitive 9-5 job because you were ‘too cool’ to do any real work in college. Your life is dull, your job is dull and as far as I can tell, you too are dull.” Loki snaps, his eyes locking with Thors. "Now be quiet." 

Thor blinks for a moment, clearly offended. He folds his great arms across his chest and eyes Loki uncertainly.

“That was a bit too honest.” He finally mumbles.

Loki sniffs.

“You asked to know what I thought of you. Was I right?”

Thor says nothing, something dark flashing in his blue eyes and Loki smirks.

“I was right. Excellent.”

Their cappuccinos arrive and they drink them in silence. Thor stares out the window whilst Loki closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the drink.

“My life is dull.” Thor suddenly admits. 

Loki cracks an eye open and watches him in interest. Thor meets his gaze and smiles crookedly.

“But don’t make the mistake of thinking that I am too.” 

Loki snorts and offers Thor a lopsided grin.

“Prove it.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys. Here's the next chapter. Enjoy.

Loki puts his key in the lock blindly, feeling dead on his feet. Rehearsal had been torturous. He and Jane had practiced chainé spins for almost two hours. They had turned 360 degrees, alternating between each leg until Loki felt as if he would vomit from motion sickness. He could barely climb the stairs to his apartment after the session, the muscles in his thighs shaking horribly with each step. He opens his front door and closes it behind him carefully, locking the door and then chaining the lock. His stomach growls hungrily but Loki ignores it, making his way across to the bedroom desperately. He kicks off his shoes and strips down quickly. He climbs into the bed and scrambles under the covers, trying to ignore the icy chill in his apartment. He cocoons himself in the quilts and feels the tension slowly ebbing its way out of his body. He sighs happily and curls around one of his pillows, his eyelids growing heavy and closing, letting exhaustion take over.

Loki thinks he may have been asleep for an hour at the most when his phone rings shrilly and vibrates across his wooden floor. Loki groans and sits up slowly, his muscles practically shrieking in protest as he makes his way to the phone. He looks at the caller ID and frowns when he sees that it is Jane. He presses the call button and huffs impatiently.

“What?”

A deep chuckle crackles through the phone.

“I hope you don’t answer your phone like this all the time.”

Loki smiles despite himself and then scowls when he realizes what he is doing.

“What do you want, Thor? I was trying to sleep.” He snaps.

“And you called me dull? It’s only ten o’clock!” he exclaims happily and Loki can practically see him smiling.

“I’m going to sleep now.” Loki growls.

“Wait! You told me to prove that I’m not dull so how does an impromptu trip to the cinema sound?” 

Loki laughs even though he doesn’t want to. The laughter bubbles up his throat and spills out of his mouth, light and happy sounding. He can hear Thor chuckling alongside him.

“Well? Does that seem dull to you?” he challenges.

“Yes.” Loki answers dryly. “The cinema is hardly what I would call exciting.”

“Ah! But that’s where you’re wrong! They’re showing ‘Hamlet’ for one night only and it’s the British one; not that desperate American one with Mel Gibson!” he teases.

Loki frowns at his phone in surprise.

“You like Shakespeare?” he asks.

Thor laughs again.

“Yes! Are you in or not?” 

Loki is exhausted. He feels as if he has been beaten with a steel hammer over and over. Even keeping his eyes open whilst talking to Thor was proving difficult. But there was something stopping him from refusing, something he couldn’t quite explain. 

He sighs loudly.

“Fine.”

“Great!” Thor booms. “I’ll collect you in twenty minutes; be ready!”

“I live by-”

“Above the pottery store across from O’Shaughnessy’s. I know.” Thor mocks.

“How did you-” Loki starts but the line goes dead.

He stares down at his phone for a moment before jumping out of his bed and racing for the shower.

 

.

 

Jane sighs miserably and curls into the passenger seat even further, her eyes drifting closed despite the fact that Thor had rolled all the windows of the Chevrolet down in a bid to keep her awake. Thor slaps her thigh and Jane’s eyes snap open, turning to glare at her boyfriend who was laughing gleefully.

“Why are you doing this?” she demands. “I spent all day with him in the studio, why do I have to go to the movies with him?”

“Because you were told quite clearly that if you didn’t build some sort of chemistry you would lose your lead role.” Thor announces. “And because he called me dull.”

Jane snorts.

“Uh huh. And you’re really proving him wrong by bringing him to a screening of ‘Hamlet’.” 

Thor just smiles, his blue eyes twinkling. 

“I know this guy, ok? I know his type. This is right up his alley.” He insists.

Jane laughs and folds her arms across her chest, watching Thor in amusement.

“How? Is he like one of your characters?” she teases.

Thor bites his lip thoughtfully.

“No. He’s complex. You’ve said yourself that dancing with him is like being in the eye of a storm. I think he has depth.” He decides.

Jane rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair.

“You just wanna hang with him so you can use him as a reference for your new play.” She sighs.

Thor pulls up outside the pottery shop and beeps his horn twice. He takes Jane’s hand in his and presses it to his lips.

“If I could use you as a reference I would; however, I need a ballerino –not a ballerina.”

Jane just smiles at him and shakes her head fondly. She had been dating Thor for almost two years and she still couldn’t resist those twinkling blue eyes and cheeky smile. She drew her hand back and curled into the seat even more.

“Fine. Have your ballerino, I don’t care.”

 

.

 

Loki is checking his hair one last time when he hears the horn beep. For some reason he is nervous. He looks at his reflection once more before nodding. He looks good; tired but good. His black skinny jeans hug his long, toned legs perfectly. He has a black cashmere pullover on with a woolly grey scarf draped around his neck. He slips into his cream loafers and pulls on his leather jacket as he walks out the door. He ruffles his hair once more to make it hang and curl a bit more naturally and bounces down the stairs and out onto the street. He sees the old red car and makes his way over, his heart sinking when he sees Jane sitting in the front seat. He purses his lips and climbs into the backseat, not understanding why he is annoyed to see Jane in the car.

“Hey Loki.” She greets, smiling over her shoulder at him. “You look good.”

Loki doesn’t reply. He chews down on his bottom lip furiously, wondering why he feels so irrationally disappointed. 

“You look tired.” Thor teases. “I hope this trip doesn’t over-excite you.”

Loki rolls his eyes and catches Thor’s gaze in the rear-view mirror.

“I really rather doubt that it shall.” He snaps sharply.

They seem to watch each other for what feels to Loki as the longest time. Thor’s eyes are very, very blue, he decides. They look like the sky on one of those hot summer days where there is no air and no clouds. There is a sparkle to them like the sea when it looks like glass. His eyes remind him of his childhood, of summers spent in Cornwall, running alongside the coast with his brothers. 

When Thor finally looks away, Loki feels colder somehow. He huddles into his jacket and turns his head to watch the streets zip by in a blur.

“I love Shakespeare.” Thor announces. “He seems to really have captured the deepest roots of human nature, you know, at their rawest, barest form?”

Loki looks at Jane and sees that she is smiling at Thor who in turn is blushing slightly. She laughs and turns to look at Loki, her hazel eyes twinkling brightly.

“Thor is a huge Shakespeare fan.” She explains. “He’s been in ‘Hamlet’ and ‘King Lear’ maybe a hundred times?”

She laughs again and shakes her head at Thor. Loki raises an eyebrow curiously.

“You’re an actor?” he asks softly.

Thor catches his eye in the mirror once again and shrugs.

“I act. I don’t know if I’m an actor, not yet.” He replies quietly.

Loki chuckles pleasantly and smiles at him warmly.

“My, my… I was wrong.”

It is only once they parked the car and waiting for Jane outside the bathroom that Thor replies.

“You weren’t wrong.” He says gruffly. “My life is dull. Infuriatingly dull.”

Loki looks up at him and tilts his head slightly.

“I’m twenty-five and yet I feel like I’m thirty-five.” He laughs, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth. “I’ve got a flat, a car, a girlfriend who wants us to buy a house and get a dog and I just… I don’t know.”

Loki snorts and looks away from him, fixing his eyes on the ground below his feet.

“You do know.” He says impatiently. “You know exactly what you want but you’re too scared to grab it.”

Thor smiles at him brightly and shakes his head.

“That’s the thing, Loki, I actually haven’t a clue why I’m not happy.” He chuckles.

“You seem happy to me.” Loki says quietly, still not looking up. 

And he does. Loki may not know Thor well but each and every time he sees him it’s like standing too close to the sun. Thor radiates warmth and kindness and love, love for every person and every thing. Being around him is in equal measures addictive and repelling. 

Thor looks as though he is about to say something when Jane appears from the bathroom, a reluctant look on her face.

“Come on, then. I’m ready to be bored to death.”

 

.

 

“No, no, no, no, no!” Tony yells, marching across the shiny floor almost dementedly. “Don’t move, don’t. I’m going to show you exactly why this wrong.”

Loki sighs and if he could, he would glare at Jane. She squeezes either side of his head with her thighs warningly and he cannot help but smirk. Tony catches the smile and glowers at him.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, Loki. It’s your reputation on the line; not mine. If you ever want to move on past my ballet troupe then you need to buck the fuck up.” He snaps. “Natasha! Come here now!” 

Loki shifts a little so that he can distribute both his and Jane’s weight more evenly. She wobbles on his shoulders slightly but manages to maintain her balance. Natasha saunters out onto the dance-floor, smiling at Tony almost sweetly.

“Yes?” She purrs, standing before them expectantly.

“We’re going to show them how to do a shoulder sit that doesn’t look as though Jane is riding a mechanical bull.” He declares, grabbing the Natasha by the wrist. “You know the routine? Good. Take it from three.”

Loki and Jane watch them miserably. Tony may be older and less nimble but his dancing is almost flawless. He pulls the Natasha into him and Loki can feel their heat, see the passion, the love, the almost uncontrollable desire to be in each other’s arms. When Natasha jumps, Tony lifts her higher and she lands on his shoulders gracefully, her back arched beautifully, showcasing her curves.

Ton raises one eyebrow at them expectantly.

“Well? Don’t lie and say you can’t see the difference.”

Loki lifts Jane from his shoulders. She lands on the ground beside him lightly, chewing on her bottom lip thoughtfully. 

“Technically you guys have it but there seems to be a blockage of emotions between you, you know? I don’t feel anything when I see you guys dance and that’s worse than not having the routine down.” Tony sighs.

Loki shrugs his shoulders, a passive expression on his face.

“I do not think I am the one at fault here.”

Tony pulls a face and almost smirks.

“Actually… Jane looked like she wanted to let go and be in the moment but you weren’t exactly welcoming that. You looked like someone slit your mothers throat and then shat on your bed.” He declares. “When’s the last time you got laid, kiddo?”

Loki flushes furiously and lowers his head, loose tendrils of dark hair falling in front of his face. Tony laughs and claps him on the shoulder.

“Ok. Your homework for tonight is to have some sex and just loosen up. Even if it’s just you and your hand, baby.” He says with a wink. 

He then turns to Jane and smiles at her gently.

“That was good, Foster. You go home and have a nice long bath and maybe that big hunk of man-meat will give you a massage. You’re finally getting where I want to go with this.” He praises.

Jane fights down her smile and glances over at Loki who is staring past Tony’s shoulder, his eyes burning with something dark and angry. Tony dismisses them and Jane follows Loki into his dressing room. He doesn’t tell her to go but she can see by how rigid his body is that he would prefer if she just left.

“I’m not an actor.” He announces as he tears off his sweat soaked t-shirt. “I never have been and never will be. I am a dancer; I dance and I do it extremely well.”

“Thor could help you out, if you wanted?” Jane offers quietly. “He wouldn’t mind.”

Loki stands before her in his underwear and Jane can’t help but marvel at his body. He looks as though he had been carved out of the whitest, purest marble. His muscles, whilst lean, are more defined than any Jane had ever seen before. He has sparse patches of the darkest hair all along his abdomen and his legs are the longest, most beautiful planes of skin and muscle. 

“You could have anyone you want.” She says suddenly. “Why don’t you just do as Tony says and have some fun?”

Jane blushes as soon as she has said it and is about to apologise until Loki is towering above her, his breath hot as it hits her upturned face. He stares down at her, his emerald eyes boring into hers until Jane feels as if she needs to close the space between them just so she can breathe again. Loki moves away suddenly and Jane exhales loudly. 

“That is what we need to bring to the stage.” He calls from over his shoulder as he pulls his underwear down and steps into the shower. “That heat and passion and want. Yes?”

Jane swallows loudly and nods.

“Uh huh.”

 

.

 

Thor is more than a little surprised when Jane forces him to pull the car over on a dark, country road.

“Um.” Is all he manages to say before Jane is sitting atop him, attacking him with her mouth.

She presses him into the seat, kissing him breathlessly, panting into his mouth, her small hands quickly undoing the buttons of her own jeans. She pulls away, her eyes dark with want and her mouth red and looking thoroughly kissed.

“Fingers.” She breathes. “I want your fingers.”

Thor, although extremely surprised, does not need to be told twice. He slides his hand into her pants and nearly groans when he feels how wet she is. He pushes in past her warm, moist folds and slides two fingers into her. Jane holds onto his shoulders and begins to fuck herself on his fingers. Her hips rise up and down quickly, her head thrown back, her back pressed against the steering wheel. Thor can feel himself growing hard as he watches her. 

“More.” She gasps, her eyes snapping open as she undoes her shirt.

Thor leans forward and pulls one breast out her bra. He brings his mouth to her nipple and begins to suck, loving the sounds Jane makes as he does so. She snakes one hand down between them and begins to rub herself, her breathing coming more quickly and erratic. Thor takes her nipple between his teeth and begins to bite it lightly and teasingly.

“Thor.” She groans loudly as she comes, her hips snapping one last time.

Thor moans as he feels her clench around his fingers. He lay hot, wet kisses along her heaving chest and slowly pulls his hand away. Jane lowers her mouth over his and kisses him hotly, her quick fingers unbuttoning his shirt.

“Your turn…”

 

.

 

Loki pants loudly and holds onto his dresser as Tony pounds into him with an unfaltering rhythm. He grips Loki’s hips tightly as he thrusts with an admirable level of self-control.

“Told you.” He grunts. “All you need is a good fucking.”

Loki snarls at him as he grinds his hips in time with Tony’s thrusts. They’re rhythm is like a dance in itself and it doesn’t take long for Loki to slither his hand beneath him and begin to stroke himself, his throbbing erection almost crying out for attention. He moves his hand in time with Tony’s fucking and when he comes he cries out loudly, the mirror on his desk falling over with a loud crash. It doesn’t deter Tony though; he carries on until he comes silently, his entire body shaking. He slumps over Loki but the taller man pushes him away, ignoring the burn as Tony pulls out. Loki pulls his trousers up and wipes his hand on Tony’s shirt. The smaller man only laughs, his brown eyes alight with amusement.

“Oh. I see. This is how you instill in me that this meant nothing, right?” Tony teases as Loki grabs his bag. “Kid, you’re so predictable. We’ve been doing this since you were eighteen, you’d think that five years later you’d drop the whole ‘Mysterious Asshole’ façade.”

Loki pulls on his leather jacket and watches the other man passively, one eyebrow raised.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Tony.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This will come thick and fast because I'm starting Pre-Med soon and I wont have the time for this anymore. It's mostly written up anyway, all I need to do is edit it. Expect a chapter every two to three days. Thank you for reading.

“Now you guys look like two awkward teenagers who just have no fucking clue.” Tony groans loudly, running a hand over his face. "Jesus!"

Loki gently lowers Jane to the ground. They look at each other unhappily, their shoulders slumped in defeat. Tony sighs noisily and sinks lower into his chair, folding his arms across his chest, a frustrated look on his face.

“When I auditioned you guys together there was a spark, there was something that made me think that this could work and work beautifully. Now there is sweet fuck all. Loki, you’re like a zombie. Where is your heart? Your passion? Are you two hanging out like I asked you to?” 

Jane nods quickly.

“Yes! For like the past month we’ve been spending every couple of nights together!” she declares.

“It doesn’t show. You don’t know each other’s body. Loki, you’re holding her all wrong, you’re displaying too much dominance when this ballet is about-”

Tony falls silent as Loki storms out of the dance studio, slamming the door behind him. Jane goes to make a move but Tony stops her.

“Don’t.” He says wearily. “Get back into first position; let’s practice your big solo.”

Jane frowns and glares at Tony challengingly. 

"You're being too hard on him. You know you are." She insists.

Tony smiles at her and cocks his head to the side.

"Jane, you want to be the best, right? You want critics to come to our production and go home and say 'Wow! Jane Foster! Ballerina of the century!' Don't you?"

Jane nods slowly. 

"Well, so does he. In fact, Loki really already has that. You know just as well as I do the way other troupes and productions talk about him. He's a magnificent dancer, he really is. But this production, "Chute des Anges", it's emotional and poignant and so fucking beautiful when done right. I want you guys to be the best you possibly can be and but if Loki doesn't learn how embody the angel and the emotions, then this is going to be a flop and it's your name he'll be dragging down with him."

 

.

 

Steve pretends that he doesn’t notice Loki trashing the dressing room. Glasses and little trinkets fly about the room, smashing into smithereens. Loki upturns tables, and pulls at the posters on the wall and Steve just keeps his head bowed and tries to ignore the furious snarls the other man is emitting. When silence falls, when all Steve can hear is the harsh panting of Loki’s breath, he looks up and locks eyes with him. The dressing room is ruined and Loki’s hands are bleeding and the younger man has tears in his eyes. He is sweating and shaking. Steve knows the feeling only too well. He closes his book slowly and offers Loki a soft smile.

“I’ll clean it.”

Loki closes his eyes and breathes deeply before nodding.

“Thank you.”

 

.

 

Thor looks up from his script when the pounding on their door first begins. He frowns and pushes his glasses back off his face, making his way to the door slowly. He looks surprised when he pulls it open to see an extremely dishevelled Loki standing before him. His hair is pushed back with a few disobedient strands hanging around his pale face. He is in a sweat-soaked grey t-shirt and his dancing leggings with a pair of scuffed combat boots. He looks nothing like his usual calm and collected self.

“Are you alright?” he asks as he stands back to allow the shorter man to come inside.

Loki pushes past Thor, a distracted look on his face. Thor frowns and follows him into the kitchen where Loki grabs a mug and fills it with coffee from the pot. He is so familiar with their home now, it is almost as if he is a part of it all. Thor says nothing. He takes a seat at the table and returns to the script, knowing that Loki will speak when he is ready. 

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.” He says softly, finally taking a seat beside Thor.

Thor pulls a face.

“I only wear them when I have to.” He admits. “I hate them.”

“You shouldn’t. You look good.”

Loki glances at him and Thor holds his gaze. He looks away quickly, however, chewing on his bottom lip uncertainly, his quick, green eyes scanning the pages before Thor.

“Your play.” He breathes, leaning closer as he recognizes the script, the little parts that Thor had taken to reciting recently.

He is so close Thor can smell him. He smells of heat and fresh air. He reminds him of cold winter nights spent in front of an open fire, surrounded by family and a few friends. He smells of laughter and everything Thor holds dear. Thor inhales deeply and almost hums, catching himself when Loki looks up at him, his eyes curious.

“I need your help.” He admits, his face but a few inches from Thor’s.

Thor nods.

“I need you to teach me how to act.” He almost whispers, his breath hot against Thor’s face.

And Thor knows that he needs to speak but he is too mesmerized by the lights in Loki’s eyes. There are flecks of gold and amber illuminating his eyes, making them seem like priceless jewels. Loki blinks at him with impossibly thick eyelashes and Thor pulls himself back, reigning in wild thoughts that have suddenly filled his head. He leans back in his seat and offers Loki a lopsided grin.

“For the show?” he questions, clearing his throat gruffly.

Loki nods. Thor hums to himself and flashes Loki a brief smile.

“Yeah, I could do that.” He chuckles.

Loki remains silent, his brows furrowed as he watches Thor. There is a shadow of uncertainty clouding his face and they can both feel it. The air in the room feels almost too thick to swallow and Loki cannot ever remember feeling this trapped. He feels as if he cannot pull away from Thor, as if he is being held in place by some invisible force. His blue eyes are watching him and Loki wants to drown himself in them, wants to smother in Thor's warmth. Thor goes to place a hand on his knee but Loki jolts backwards, almost falling off the chair. Thor raises both his hands, his eyes wide as Loki finds his feet. Thor is confused as Loki makes his way to the door, his shoulders hunched and spine curved.

“Loki, wait!” Thor calls, scrambling to his feet after the slighter man.

Loki pauses only for a moment and watches Thor with sad, tired eyes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Thor.” He mumbles before opening the door.

Thor nods slowly, still frowning as he watches him leave. 

“Ok.”

 

.

 

“I don’t want you to fuck me anymore.” Loki whispers as he lies in the middle of the broken dressing room.

Tony exhales slowly.

“Sure, kiddo. Whatever you want.” He sighs, his eyes closed and his head resting on Loki’s chest.

“I mean it this time.” Loki insists.

Tony nods, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“If you don’t want me to, we won’t. I promise.”

Loki hums and lets his own eyes close shut, drifting into a dreamless sleep, the only sleep he knows.

 

.

 

“So. He’s a ballet dancer but like, a totally manly one?” Darcy repeats, a smile spreading across her full lips.

Jane nods, laughing softly.

“Yes! Just ask Thor.” She challenges.

Darcy raises an eyebrow and looks at Thor expectantly.

“Well? Would you say that this Loki was totally manly and sexy?” she demands as Jane giggles beside her.

Thor turns his attention away from the television for a moment and shrugs stiffly.

“I don’t know. I’ve never really paid him that much attention.” He mutters.

Jane bursts out laughing and nudges Thor with her feet.

“Yes you have! You told me so yourself!” she exclaims.

Darcy laughs alongside her friend and reaches out to push Thor with her own feet as well. The two of them kick at his thigh persistently, teasing him. Thor sighs heavily and swats their feet away but they keep at it.

“Come on, Thor! Tell me! I’m not agreeing to go on a date with this man until I have the mighty Thor Odinson’s personal review!” Darcy pleads.

He raises his eyebrows and fixes Jane with a disbelieving look.

“He won’t go out with Darcy.” He states bluntly.

Jane gasps whilst Darcy glowers.

“Jesus, Thor, you can’t just say that in front of people!” Jane snaps.

Thor shakes his head and turns his attention back to the television. Darcy gives him a swift kick and sniffs dramatically.

“For all you know he could be the love of my life!” she declares.

Thor tries to force a small laugh but for once, he cannot. He feels strange and has done so since Loki sat in their kitchen and looked at him with those eyes, eyes that seemed to see straight through to his soul and he knows that Loki has seen who he really is. Thor gets to his feet and walks out of the room, leaving both of the women staring after him in surprise. Darcy gives Jane an anxious look. Jane just shrugs.

“Don’t ask me. He’s been like this all weekend.” She sighs, settling herself back into the sofa. 

Darcy frowns slightly before turning back to her friend.

“So. The all important question; have you seen his cock?” she asks breathlessly.

Jane laughs loudly and slaps at her friend before nodding, her eyes twinkling mischievously. Darcy’s eyes go wide and she grabs Jane’s arm, shaking her dramatically.

“Describe!”

 

.

 

“Good weekend?” Jane asks as she finishes off her stretches.

Loki grunts non-committedly as he stretches out on the ground before her. He walks his hands forward alongside his legs until his forehead touches the floor. Jane can see him breathing deeply, the material of his black vest straining as his powerful back shifts beneath it.

“My friend Darcy is joining us for dinner tonight, you should come.” She says casually as she waits for Loki to finish.

He straightens up and raises an eyebrow at Jane as he makes his way to his feet. Jane watches him innocently as he almost glowers at her.

“Fine.” He eventually sighs, still regarding Jane with distrusting eyes. 

Jane beams and claps him on the back happily.

“Good! Thor is cooking so you won’t have to endure any of my painful attempts at fine food.” She laughs.

Loki quirks a small smile before standing in second position, his back straight, arms held by his side. Jane can see him silently counting himself in before he jumps, a full rotation, and technically he is flawless. He turns again, completing his double turn and lands on both feet as if he weighs nothing and everything all at once. Jane follows him, with four pas de chat in quick succession. She leaps sideways and whilst in mid-air, Jane bends both of her legs, raising them as high as she can. She executes them perfectly and side-steps into Loki’s embrace easily. 

“That was way better than last time.” Tony voice calls from the hallway beside the stage. “Although, that could be because I can’t see Loki’s miserable face."

Loki huffs angrily and glares over his shoulder at Tony, who was now making his way across the stage, smirking at Loki challengingly. 

“I’ll leave, Stark. Don’t push me.” He hisses.

Tony nods, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Uh huh, about that kiddo; what happened on Friday is never to be repeated, ok? Because next time you walk out of here interrupting practice and then proceed to wreck the dressing room, you won’t be coming back. You’re good, kid, probably the best male dancer on the East Coast but I don’t tolerate full-tilt diva tantrums. Understood?”

Loki is a shade of white Jane has never seen on a human before. His dark green eyes are glittering dangerously and Jane discreetly steps out of his embrace. Tony is watching him calmly and Jane can see him provoking Loki teasingly, daring him to walk out. Loki exhales loudly and smiles at Tony sweetly, a smile Jane has never seen him wear before.

“Oh, I understand completely.” He simpers. “You only tolerate them when you’re fucking me. I get it.”

Jane inhales sharply and looks between the two of them in surprise. Tony, to his credit, looks utterly unfazed as he watches Loki calmly. 

“What happens or has happened outside of this dance studio stays there. We are professionals, all of us, and we have a show that could potentially change all of our lives opening in five weeks. Whatever shit is going on stays outside, got it?” Tony demands.

Loki watches Tony with an unfaltering gaze before nodding stiffly.

“Leave it at the door.” Tony insists. “Now get into first position, I wanna see how well you guys handle Act II.”

 

.

 

Jane waits for Loki by the side-entrance. She can see Thor and Darcy chatting by the car. Well, she can see Darcy blabbering and Thor listening, his head bent. She smiles when Thor catches her eye and pleads silently. She shakes her head slowly and holds up one finger, asking him to wait. Loki appears just as she does so, looking amazing, as usual. His jeans are so tight Jane can see everything and his white shirt is so well-fitted that the buttons on his chest threaten to pop with every movement.

“You look good.” Jane giggles as he walks alongside her. 

Loki glances at her and nods approvingly, deciding that she too looked good. They approach the car and Jane has to choke down her laughter as she watches Darcy practically drool when she sees Loki. Loki doesn’t even look at her however. His eyes are locked with Thor’s and he almost shivers when he feels that strange magnetic pull once again. Thor looks away quickly, bending down to kiss Jane enthusiastically and Loki actually snorts.

“Hi, I’m-”

“Darcy, yes I thought as much.” Loki sniffs as pushes past her. “And, no, I’m not interested.”

 

Jane pulls out of Thor’s embrace and is about to chastise Loki when she sees the furious expression on his face. Darcy shoots Jane a confused look and Loki watches Jane angrily.

“A word?” he snarls, grabbing Jane by the arm and pulling her up the street, away from the car.

“Jesus, Loki. What is it?” she whispers.

“Was this your idea of a joke?” he hisses. “A way to humiliate me?”

Jane stares at him, completely lost.

“What?” she demands.

Loki growls and pushes Jane away.

“A double-date for the desperate man that cannot find himself his own lover?” he accuses. "Do you think that I will just shag anything? Man, woman, cat, horse?"

Jane’s eyes widen and she shakes her head quickly.

“No! No, Loki I didn’t know that you were gay until that whole Tony thing and I didn’t want to presume so I-” She starts to gush but Loki quickly cuts across her.

“I’m not gay, Jane. I’m not anything!” He sneers. “When will you and your ridiculous boyfriend stop trying to label me?”

Jane pulls a face and folds her arms across her chest.

“You’re the one being ridiculous, Loki. I thought maybe you and Darcy would get along but if you’re going to be a total ass about it you can just fuck off. Just go home, Loki. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jane turns on her heel and marches away, ushering the other two into the car, leaving Loki standing outside, alone and angry. 

“You should have just fucked the girl.” Tony calls from his car. “At least then you’d know what it’s like to actually handle a woman. Need a ride?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

 

.

 

Loki is awoken by his phone vibrating later on that night. He opens the text and sees that it is from Thor.

Coffee?

Loki hesitates only for a moment before texting back.

Diner. Ten minutes.

 

.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm amazed by the response to this fic. Please enjoy the next installment and keep the comments and kudos coming.

“I hope she wasn’t too offended.” Loki mumbles, his eyes downcast as he traces the rim of the chipped coffee mug. “Darcy.”

Thor looks at him in surprised and suppresses a smile. He had left the house not half an hour ago to Jane and Darcy dancing around the kitchen manically, desperately perform a rain dance that would curse Loki’s love life for all of eternity.

“No.” He says solemnly, the corners of his mouth twitching. “I think she understood.”

Loki laughs humourlessly.

“Well, then I wish she would explain it to me because I don’t understand at all.”

Loki sighs and runs a hand through his sleek, black hair. He looks miserable. Thor sips his lukewarm coffee and offers Loki a lopsided grin.

“What is it that you don’t understand?” he challenges.

When Loki finally looks up, Thor almost jolts as though electrocuted. Those piercing green eyes bore into his unmercifully, something hot and unrecognisable burning inside of them in such a way that Thor feels as if his mouth is full of cotton wool. He takes another gulp of his coffee in a bid to rehydrate his dry mouth.

“Everything.” He breathes, still watching Thor.

And Thor knows that he should look away but when Loki snakes his hand across the table towards him, he is surprised to find that he comes to meet him willingly. Their fingertips touch and Loki’s lips twitch. And it seems like such an innocent and happy moment. Thor looks down at their touching tips and he wants to laugh because he can nearly taste the sweetness of their warm skin mingling.

“Let us do something stupid.” Loki whispers and Thor nods before he gives himself time to talk himself out of it.

Loki laughs, low and deep and stands, shrugging on his leather jacket. He slides out of the booth and looks over his shoulder at Thor, a knowing smile on his face.

“Come on, then!”

 

.

 

“I would have fucked him.” Darcy sighs. “I would have fucked him so good.”

Jane giggles drunkenly and curls closer to her friend, her eyes glittering with humour. They are sprawled out on Jane and Thor’s bed, the covers kicked down around their ankles as they stare at the ceiling as though it shall reveal all of life’s mysteries.

“He totally needs it. He’s so uptight.” She slurs.

Darcy shakes her head, a mournful expression on her face. She couldn't believe that such a beautiful body could be left go to waste.

“Why couldn’t he have been a slut? He looks like one, like someone who would just fuck all day long if they could.” She says wistfully.

Jane nods in agreement, her eyes fluttering shut as she does so, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“Thor used to look like that. Now he just looks like my dad.” She splutters, slapping at Darcy giddily.

Darcy bursts out laughing, nodding her head in complete agreement.

“He totally does! Oh, my God. It’s the beard, isn’t it?” she gasps, her eyes widening at this revelation.

Jane shudders and wraps her arms around herself tightly, pouting slightly.

“I hate that beard. It’s like being molested by a sweeping brush.”

“Loki’s face was as smooth as a baby’s bottom.” Darcy sniffs sadly.

Jane takes another swig of the whiskey and raises the bottle. Darcy accepts it and gulps down a mouthful of the burning liquid, coughing slightly as she does so.

“Where did Thor go?” Darcy asks, curling alongside her friend, wrapping her arms around the slighter woman.

Jane shrugs.

“Probably to meet Sif.” She says bitterly.

Darcy raises an eyebrow, her eyes slightly unfocused as she watches Jane.

“You think he’s fucking her?” She whispers quietly.

Jane shakes her head, a small smile on her lips.

“I know that he loves me and that he wouldn’t fuck around behind my back.”

Darcy hums in agreement.

“He’s a good guy. And you're a good girl. And together you guys will make beautiful babies.”

 

.

 

“Loki? What are we doing?” Thor hisses as Loki picks a lock with swift, nimble fingers.

He ignores Thor and continues on with his handy-work. Thor sighs and stands closer to the shorter man, trying to hide himself in the alley as best he can. He hears the door click open and Loki grins up at Thor triumphantly.

“We’re going to dance.” He says brightly as they step inside the dance hall.

Loki leads Thor through back stage, bringing him to his dressing room. He sifts through some of his belongs and nods when he finds what he is looking for. He turns around to face the blonde man with two pairs of lycra leggings. 

“Put them on.” He orders as he begins to undo his belt.

Thor laughs and shakes his head.

“No way! My jeans will do.” He argues, smiling brightly.

Loki fixes him with a look as he drops his trousers and Thor cannot help but look at the milky skin that is being revealed to him. Loki’s legs are strong and the muscles lean yet well-defined. He steps into his tights and waits for Thor to do the same. Thor reluctantly unbuttons his jeans, unable to keep the blush from spreading across her cheeks. Loki kindly turns around and pretends to busy himself with the tying of his ballet shoes. When he straightens up, Thor has managed to wrestle himself into his pants and Loki cannot help but laugh.

“That bad?” Thor winces but Loki shakes his head, smiling widely.

“No. You look good.” He says and he means it.

Thor’s legs are big and strong like the rest of him. He looks like a Russian weight-lifting ballerino and Loki can feel the heat pooling in his stomach as he imagines Thor’s strong, hot body pressed against his. Thor coughs and looks at Loki questioningly.

“Are we going to dance or are you just going to stare?” he teases.

Loki shakes himself out of his stupor with a cheeky grin and leads Thor towards the dark stage, his heart hammering against his chest anxiously. He saunters into the center of the stage and waits for Thor to follow, standing closely beside him, their forearms almost touching and Loki thinks that it’s pathetic that he would even notice something so insignificant.

“Nothing too complicated.” Thor pleads. “I’m not as flexible as I used to be.”

“Old age.” Loki nods, his eyes glittering with mirth.

“Too many football injuries.” Thor corrects with a smile.

Loki stands in front of Thor, his back pressed against his chest and he is pleasantly surprised to find that the larger man does not shy away. Loki steps back until their bodies are flush against each other. Thor automatically lifts his hands to either side of Loki’s waist, his hands almost burning against his skin.

“This is going to sound stupid.” Loki warns. “But I want you to pretend as though I am Jane.”

Thor frowns down at the back of Loki’s dark head and makes a soft huffing sound.

“Why?”

Loki turns his head to look back at him, a small, pleading smile on his face.

“I want you to act as though I am a woman. I’ll teach you the routine and you are to show me how to hold Jane in a way that would convince an audience that we’re in love.” He explains quietly.

Thor runs one thumb along Loki’s rather prominent hipbone and Loki can feel him nod behind him, his chin rubbing against his hair.

“Ok. I can do that.” He decides.

 

.

 

Steve curls against Natasha, his heavy arm draped across her waist as he stares out their open window, watching the stars glitter and dance above them. Natasha watches them with him, her light fingers tracing patterns along the back of his hand.

“Do you think we’ll ever get our break?” he wonders softly.

The red-head hums softly before tucking herself into his embrace even more.

“I’m happy with where we are now.” She decides after some time. “We’ll get our chance.”

 

.

 

It doesn’t take Thor long to come to grips with the most basic steps. Really, all Loki wants him to be able to do is to teach him how to touch a woman, how to hold Jane in such a way that the crowd will be left breathless and aching for more.

“It has to be gentle.” Thor whispers against his ear. “And if the movements are slow, they appear more intimate.”

He runs his index finger along Loki’s side, tickling him almost as he traces the sensitive skin surrounding his chest. He gently catches his underarm in his hot, calloused hand and they raise it together, their fingers entwining as they extend their arms gracefully. Loki slowly presses his back against Thor’s chest and allows his eyes to close as the roll of Thor’s hips almost lulls him to sleep. In complete sync they slide their left legs along the floor and Loki presses his behind against Thor’s crotch, leaning all of his weight against the larger man. Thor raises his arm higher and Loki spins 360 degrees before falling gracefully into Thor’s outstretched arm. Thor pulls him up quickly so that their chests are pressed against one other and Loki feels it just as Thor’s eyes widen. The air around them grows thick once again and the heat between them is almost unbearable. Loki is certain that he is half-hard and as Thor’s hand slides lower down his back he knows that he should stop.

But he doesn’t. He leans closer and presses his lips against Thor’s slowly, giving the man every chance to move away. Thor is mesmerized though and he shivers when Loki’s soft lips move against his. Thor feels as if he cannot breathe and exhales noisily through his lungs, parting his lips so that Loki can slip his tongue into his mouth, licking curiously at the unexplored territory. They kiss long and slow, melting into each other’s embrace even more so with each passing second. 

It is a sudden thing, like a bolt of lightning, that makes Thor realize what he is doing. He pushes Loki away roughly, a wild look in his eyes and when he notices that he too is hard, he feels the overwhelming urge to run. He doesn’t though, not when he sees the thinly veiled hurt in Loki’s eyes.

“We better go.” He mumbles, stepping away from the dark-haired man, making his way towards the dressing room.

Loki follows in silence. They both slip back into their jeans, neither of them looking at the other. They leave the dance hall quickly and without saying a word. Once they are back out on the street, Thor offers Loki a small smile. He goes to speak but Loki beats him to it.

“Forget it. I said let us do something stupid and we did. Perhaps you’re not as dull as I originally feared.” He jokes weakly, the humour unable to reach his emerald eyes.

Thor exhales loudly and nods.

“Ok. You need a ride home?” 

But Loki is already walking away and Thor cannot help but feel as if he had said the wrong thing.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot thank you people enough for such an amazing response. I never thought so many people would enjoy this and it just makes me so happy so thank you!

Tony isn’t surprised to see Loki standing outside his front door. Not really. He opens the door but doesn’t say anything, not when he sees the almost painful expression on Loki’s face. He just steps aside and waits for Loki to step inside. The taller man hesitates for a moment but he comes inside nonetheless. His dark hair is scraped back off his face and he is paler than usual. Tony can see the red rims around his eyes and the slightly puffy skin beneath them. Loki leads the way and Tony follows, as usual. Loki goes to Tony’s bedroom and climbs in fully dressed, not even removing his leather jacket, the one Tony bought him years ago. Tony crawls across the covers and snuggles down beside Loki, a small smile on his lips.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” he asks gently.

Loki ignores him and picks and tugs at a small hole near the top of his jeans. His fingers are shaking and Tony knows that whatever happened, it was a big deal. Tony pulls the covers around them, cocooning them in together, their bodies pressed against one another and he can feel Loki melting into the heat reluctantly.

“Did you fuck that girl?” Tony probes.

Loki half smiles and shakes his head.

“Not my type.”

Tony chuckles and pokes at Loki’s cheek playfully.

“Uh huh. I bet the big, blonde guy is.” He teases.

He feels Loki stiffen beside him and Tony exhales slowly, running one had down Loki’s side so that he can clasp their hands together.

“So that’s what happened, huh? Or what didn’t happen, I suppose.” Tony muses. 

Loki shakes his head gently, his eyes downcast, giving Tony the perfect opportunity to examine his deliciously thick eyelashes.

“I’ll never find anyone who loves me.” Loki whispers, his grasp on Tony’s hand tightening. “No one is ever going to fall in love with me and I’ll never know what true love is. I’m always going to be acting onstage. I’ll never be able to dance with abandon, everything I do will always be my interpretation of love. That makes me sad.”

Tony frowns in confusion.

“I love you.”

Loki glances at him for a moment before shaking his head once again.

“But I don’t love you.”

Tony always knew this, Loki had told him a million times. But the millionth and first time still hurts as though he had never heard it before.

 

.

 

Jane groans as she watches Loki spin with enviable control and precision. He twirls and turns 360 degrees in sets of three, landing steadily on his third spin each time without fail. He looks effortless as he flits across the stage like some sort of foreboding tornado. When he lands for the final time, Tony claps loudly.

“Absolute perfection!” he calls from his seat in audience.

Jane raises an eyebrow at Loki, who bows beside her and pushes at him playfully.

“Oh.” She gasps. “I didn’t realize that was happening again.”

“It’s not!” Loki hisses fiercely. 

Jane just raises an eyebrow and makes her way across the stage, standing in first position and willing her churning stomach to relax. Her first few spins are wobbly and she can hear Tony’s laughter filling the theatre. His laughter soon turns to cheering however, as Jane accomplishes double turns that even some of the most seasoned dancers can only dream of. She twirls across the stage and bows lowly as she finishes. Tony is on his feet, a bright, proud smile on his face.

“Bravo! Both of you! First class!” he exclaims happily.

Jane turns to beam at Loki who is glaring at her sourly. Jane raises a questioning eyebrow but Loki ignores her and gets to his feet, stalking across the stage like an over-grown cat. He then proceeds to do a series of pas de chats across the wooden floor that are some of the most controlled Jane has ever witnessed. With each step, Loki lands almost as if he weighed nothing. His legs are bent at the perfect angle and she can see the strong muscles moving beneath his leggings. His eyes are closed and his head is thrown back, revealing a long, tense, snow white neck. It takes Jane a moment to realize that Loki is dancing the war scene from Act IV. She quickly catches on and begins to mirror Loki’s moves, as they danced in a circle. Her steps are much more feminine than his but she manages to convey the strength just as well as Loki. When he reaches for her, Jane twirls into his arms and he lifts her into a shoulder sit. It is one fluid movement and Tony almost laughs with relief when he feels their pain, their desperation. In complete sync, Jane and Loki crumble as though struck by lightning, both of them curling into the floor, their arms wrapped around each other tightly.

Jane laughs breathlessly when Tony whoops loudly, standing up on his seat, waving his arms above his head.

“Beautiful! That was so beautiful!” he cheers.

Jane grins at Loki who is watching her closely, a guarded expression on his face. Jane raises one hand to touch his cheek and presses a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I’m sorry about last night. I promise I won’t ever try and set you up with someone again, unless you ask me first.” She whispers.

Loki blinks at her in surprise before nodding, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“All is forgiven.” 

 

.

 

Sif smiles at Jane tightly as she enters the theatre, her light brown hair swept up in a messy ponytail, her face bright and glowing from her earlier exertion at the dance studio.

“Is Thor here?” She asks somewhat nervously, obviously intimidated by Sif.

Sif shrugs, her dark eyes watching Jane coolly.

“He was here.” She sniffs. “Don’t know where he’s gone now.”

Fandral laughs uneasily beside her, elbowing his friend into the side rather roughly.

“Nevermind Sif, Jane, she is still in character. I think Thor mentioned something about going to see his parents.” He explains warmly.

Sif makes a scoffing sound and folds her arms across her chest, looking Jane up and down, deliberately trying to make her feel uneasy. 

“Or maybe he just needed a break? You know, a few minutes where he doesn’t need to be at your beck and call?” she suggests nastily.

Once again, Fandral forces a laugh and shakes his head at his friend. Jane smiles awkwardly and nods, slowly backing away.

“Um. OK. Well, if you guys see him before me will you tell him that I’m going to Darcy’s tonight? She’s waiting outside for me and we’re having a movie night and-”

“We get it.” Sif snaps.

“We’ll tell him.” Fandral promises with a kind smile.

They both watch Jane leave and just as Fandral turns on his friend, Sif makes her way to her feet, shaking her head in disgust.

“I always fail to understand what he sees in that drip.”

 

.

 

Thor is on his way from his parents’ house, lost in thought when he sees him. It’s pouring with the rain, the drops coming thick and fast and Thor groans loudly when he sees Loki making his way up the street, the rain battering against him as he huddles closer into that bloody leather jacket.

He wants to keep driving, he really does. But he can’t. Not when Loki is already soaked through and still has at least another twenty minute walk until he reaches his own apartment. Thor growls under his breath and pulls in just beside Loki, leaning across and opening the passenger door.

“Get in.” He calls, a small smile on his face when he sees the surprised look on Loki’s face.

Loki stares at him for a moment before shaking his head and continuing to walk. Thor snarls and starts driving alongside him, the passenger door still open.

“Loki! Come on!” He shouts over the sound of the pounding rain and howling wind.

Loki flips him off and doesn’t even look at him. Thor curses and stops the car, jumping out, ignoring the honks of the horns behind him. He runs up after the slighter man, grabbing him by the shoulder and forcing him to turn around and face him.

“Get into the car.” He orders.

Loki raises his eyebrows and watches Thor coolly.

“No. I want to walk.” He states calmly.

“No you don’t. You want to make me feel bad for what happened yesterday.” Thor corrects.

Loki smirks and cocks his head to the side.

“And what do you have to feel bad about?” he teases unkindly. “You’ve done nothing wrong. It was only a bit of stupid fun.”

Thor shakes his now drenched hair out of his face and watches Loki awkwardly, blinking his way through the sheets of water. 

“Please let me give you a ride home so we can talk about this?” he asks softly.

He can feel Loki’s resolve melting before the dark haired actually says it. His shoulders slacken and his face loses its hard edge. Loki relaxes and nods at Thor.

“Fine.”

 

.

Tony sits beneath the glass ceiling of his conservatory and watches as the rain splashes against it, the sound of the water falling soothing him more than any of those stupid cds of whales mating or crickets chirping. He sips his wine slowly and closes his eyes as Pepper types away on her Mac, inviting critics from all around the States to their opening night.

“How goes it with Mr. Lead Man?” she asks as she closes the lid of her computer.

Tony shrugs.

“No change. He’s full of angst, anger, contempt, self-loathing and all of that emo/scene crap. He’s emotionally stunted and I am too emotionally liberal. So, my heart still breaks as I try to lure him with all my charm and promises of a loving home and instead he decides to pursue a relationship with his female lead’s boyfriend.” He says with a sigh.

Pepper laughs.

“Maybe he’s just taking your advice and wants to get laid by her boyfriend?”

Tony shakes his head.

“Nah. Loki doesn’t do the whole once off lay thing. He’ll only put out if he knows that it’s going to happen again because he’s connected emotionally to that person and all that fucking horseshit.” 

Pepper raises an eyebrow.

“He comes back to you a lot.” She points out.

Tony snorts.

“That’s because he has daddy issues, not because he actually loves me.”

 

.

 

They drive in silence despite the fact that Thor wanted to talk about the kiss. They are both soaked to the skin and Thor wants to laugh but he doesn’t think Loki will join in and then he’ll just feel stupid. So he stays silent and just drives. Loki stares out the window and chokes down every bad name he wants to call Thor. He learned a long time ago that normal people don’t seem to feel as acutely as he does. Just because the kiss was a big deal to him does not mean that Thor feels the same way. In fact, Loki is almost certain that Thor is disgusted by what happened last night.

“Want to get a coffee?” Thor asks, finally breaking the silence.

Loki shakes his head.

“No.”

“Some take-out?” Thor offers. “We could bring it back to mine?”

“And the three of us sit together all cosy and happy after what happened last night? No thank you, I’d rather stab myself with rusted knives.” He snaps.

Thor exhales loudly and shoots Loki a desperate look.

“You have no intention of making this easy, do you?”

Loki sniffs.

“I was making it easy. My plan was to ignore you and to continue working with your girlfriend as though nothing had happened. And then when you two get married I would kindly decline the invitation and drown myself in a bath of boiling water.”

Thor bursts out laughing and Loki cannot help but chuckles alongside him.

“You had it all worked out, didn’t you?” Thor teases. “And what were you going to do if I told you that last night was probably one of the best things to happen to me for as long back as I can remember?”

Loki swallows audibly and blinks at Thor in surprise.

“I would say that your life must be very dull.” He whispers.

“It was.” Thor corrects him. “But then I met you.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am. I dont think any of you could possibly understand how happy it makes me to see such a response to my silly old fic so please, keep commenting because it makes me dance around the kitchen like a mad thing when I see it! Also, the art inspired by this? It has actually made me cry! So thank you all! I will probably start updating daily because I want you guys to get this before I go to Uni. So much love to each and every one of you.

“Stop the car.” Loki orders.

Thor frowns.

“What?”

“Stop the damn car!” Loki snaps, his handsome face contorted into something ugly and angry.

Thor hits the brakes suddenly, forcing the two of them to be thrown forwards. The cars behind the Chevrolet honk angrily as Loki fumbles with his seat belt, his hair hanging in wet tendrils around his face. 

“Wait, Loki don’t just run out of here and-” Thor starts but Loki silences him with one look.

Thor sits back in his seat, a surprised look on his face as Loki throws the passenger door open, the rain throwing itself against him relentlessly, the wind almost blowing him sideways. 

“You can’t do that.” Loki snarls as he zips his leather jacket up. “You can’t say things like that to me and then go home to her.”

Thor wrinkles his nose in confusion and raises his hands innocently.

“I’m telling the truth! My life was dull before I met you!” he insists.

Loki raises both his eyebrows at him in disbelief and folds his arms across his chest defensively.

“I’m not going to be your exciting little distraction until you get your fill and return to her, happy and ready to settle down.” He growls. “If you wish to remain in contact with me it must be purely platonic, understood?”

Thor nods.

“Yes! That’s what I was going to suggest; let us be friends!”

Thor ignores the pang of want in his chest as he says those words. He wants them to be anything but. He wants to take Loki in the back of his car and kiss every inch of his delicious skin. He wants Loki to let him fuck him until his is the only name on his lips.

“You were?” Loki asks suspiciously.

“Yes! Of course!” Thor declares. “I love Jane. Our kiss, whilst a lovely kiss, was an accident. I want us to be friends.”

Loki bites his lips before nodding.

“Ok. Good. Friends it is then.”

Loki makes his way back into the car, his brows still furrowed. Thor sighs in relief and smiles at Loki widely, his blue eyes twinkling happily.

“Good. So, do you still need some help with your acting?”

Loki nods slowly.

“I’m free tomorrow night if you want to swing by the Canal Theater tomorrow after eight?” Thor offers casually. 

Loki nods once again, a small smile pulling at his lips. Thor notices and smiles back. And he knows that Loki can see through his lies because his emerald eyes are glittering with mischief and it takes all of Thor’s self-control to stop himself from crushing Loki against the passenger side window and kissing him until he felt dizzy.

 

.

 

“Where were you?” Jane asks as Thor climbs into bed later on that night.

“I went to visit Mother and Father. They were asking for you.” Thor sighs as he pulls the duvet around himself, still cold from his drenching earlier that night.

Jane hums and closes her book, snuggling closer to Thor, draping her arm across his warm chest. Thor wraps his own arm around her shoulders and drops a kiss to the top of her head, inhaling her sweet, gentle scent. He scratched his beard across the back of her head, causing her to swat at him playfully.

“Quit it.” She whines. 

Thor does as he is told and sinks deeper into the bed.

“How’s the play coming along?” she asks.

Thor shrugs.

“Fine. Sif is a much better dancer than I ever anticipated. I have my work cut out for me.” He chuckles.

“She hates me.” Jane sighs, wriggling closer to Thor. “I mean, she actually can’t stand the sight of me.”

Thor clears his throat uncomfortably.

“She’s a very passionate woman and-”

“And your best friend so you’re not gonna talk shit about her, got it.” Jane giggles, stroking his bare chest with her nimble fingers. “But I’m your girlfriend so you better not let her talk shit about me.”

Thor raises his eyebrows and smiles down at Jane, his smile wide and honest.

“She doesn’t ever mention you.” He promises.

Jane rolls her eyes.

“That’s worse. She just pretends that I don’t exist. She’s scarier than Loki.”

“Loki isn’t scary.” Thor exclaims.

Jane turns her head to look up at him and raises one shapely eyebrow.

“Are you serious? One strange look and the guy has my blood running cold. He is as scary as they come.” She shudders.

Thor laughs and shakes his head in disbelief.

“I think Loki is lovely.” He decides.

“You need to widen your vocabulary.” Jane sighs. “Lovely is not a word many would use when it comes to describing Loki Laufeyson.”

 

.

 

“Loki? I was wondering if maybe you could give me some pointers? Maybe some tips that could help me-” Steve starts but he falls silent when Loki actually turns around to face him, his pale face like a mask.

“Give up would be my advice, Rogers. You’re nearly twenty-six; it’s never going to happen.” Loki sniffs.

Steve blushes furiously and turns away from Loki, truly and utterly humiliated. 

“You’re a good support dancer.” Loki continues. “But you’re not lead material.”

Steve nods, his back still facing Loki and bends down to tie his laces, cursing his own naivety; as if Loki would say anything else. He waits for the taller man to finish dressing himself for rehearsals before straightening up. His cheeks are still burning and he feels a horrible rush of anger settling itself in his stomach. He counts to ten and tells himself that Loki’s arrogance was just that; the cockiness of an overly-assured young man. Tony has told him on more than one occasion that he is almost as good as Laufeyson.

He would get there. In may take longer than anticipated but he would most definitely get there.

 

.

 

Jane laughs as Loki cartwheels across the stage with abandon, his long, dark hair whipping about around his shoulders. She knows that he is only showing off because all of the other dancers are here but she also knows that he is excited. It is their first ever rehearsal with the full troupe and it makes Jane want to join him. Natasha claps when Loki is done and the red-head beams at him when he turns to face her.

“Well done.” She calls. “It’s always nice to see the monkey’s learning new tricks.”

A few of the other dancers laugh and Loki, to his credit, joins them.

“If only your dancing were as quick and precise as your words, Romanov.” Loki teases.

Natasha acknowledges Loki’s point with a tilt of her head and the two smile at each other almost warmly. Jane sidles up beside Loki when Tony enters, a beaming smile brightening his handsome face.

“I love seeing you all standing there together. It helps me remember that this nightmare is almost over.” He jokes as he places himself in the front row of the hall. “Now wow me.”

They run through the entire performance without stopping and overall; they’re good. There are a few faux pas here and there and a lot of the time Loki forgets that he needs to act as well as dance, but they get there and when they do, Tony claps. He stands on his chair, tall and proud and claps loudly.

“I have seen better but I have also seen so much worse!” he declares. “For a first try that was actually quite marvelous.”

The troupe cheers and Jane laughs when Loki allows himself a small smile. She knows that he is disappointed with their performance but she really is too exhausted to care.

“Now. Four weeks to opening night.” Tony announces. “So, you guys know the rules; in here 24/7 from 10 until 10 for the next three weeks and then just fine-tuning for the final week. Anyone have any objections?”

Everyone remains silent. Tony smiles.

“Great. Enjoy your last evening of freedom and I shall see you all next tomorrow.”

 

.

 

“Everyone’s going for pizza and beer, you in?” Jane asks as Loki emerges from his dressing room.

Loki shakes his head.

“No, I’ve plans. Thank you.” He says with a small smile.

Jane twists her face and bumps her shoulder against the taller man.

“Come on, the guys want to see the mighty Loki Laufeyson enjoying a few beers, maybe even laughing and having fun.” She teases.

Loki shakes his head as he pulls on his jacket.

“I’m busy, Jane.” He says firmly. “And even if I weren’t, I have no intention of joining that group of mediocre dancers, drinking and eyeing one another up, only to fuck like mindless animals once they think they’re appropriately inebriated.”

Jane just raises her eyebrows, a small, amused smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

“Only you could get that from pizza and beer.” She chuckles before walking away, waving at Loki almost sadly. “There is something wrong with you.”

Loki watches her go and wonders, not for the first time, if there truly is something wrong with him. 

 

.

 

“What are you so jumpy about?” Sif asks as she bites her away around a triple cheeseburger.

Thor slurps on his milkshake and waves her comment away dismissively. Fandral raises an eyebrow and swallows his mouthful of fries, fixing Thor with a stern look.

“You’re nervous, why are you nervous?” he demands.

Thor laughs and shakes his head.

“It is nothing!” he insists.

Sif gives him a swift kick and waits expectantly. Thor sighs and pops a chip into his mouth in defeat.

“I’m helping Jane’s dance partner out. I’m giving him acting lessons.” He admits.

Sif shrugs.

“So? You’ve given drama classes before.”

Thor nods.

“I know but there’s something…strange about this one. He’s-”

“Ah, the ballerino you want to fuck?” Sif says with a knowing nod.

“Loki?” Fandral asks, wrinkling his nose slightly. “Laufeyson? That dancer who’s banging Stark?”

Thor looks at his friend incredulously. 

“Hm? You know him?”

Fandral shakes his head.

“I know of him. He’s got quite a reputation.” 

Thor feels an irrational, burning anger surge through his body.

“What do you mean? What kind of reputation?” he demands.

Fandral laughs and throws some lettuce at him playfully.

“Ah! This is more of a crush than anything else.” He chuckles.

Sif raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“I thought you were over your homo days?”

Thor ignores her and stares at Fandral furiously. Fandral sighs and runs a hand through his short, cropped curls before speaking.

“Look, I’ve heard that he’s been banging Stark since he was a kid and that that’s the only reason he’s twenty-three and the lead dancer of quite a major ballet production.”

Thor frowns.

“That’s bullshit. Jane says he’s extremely talented and-”

“And he was a prostitute before he was a dancer. Stark paid for him one night and Loki saw his golden opportunity.” Fandral says with a sigh. “He used to sell his body to pay for dance classes and then Stark ‘discovered’ him and-”

“Enough!” Thor snaps, standing to his feet angrily. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

 

.

 

Loki slowly makes his way into the old theatre. It reminds him of those old, haunted buildings that always seem to be on the outskirts of desolate towns. His footsteps echo throughout as he makes his way to the stage. He pulls himself up onto the side of the raised wooden floor and sits there, waiting. It doesn’t take long for Thor to appear. Loki watches him over his shoulder and smile slightly.

“Nice place.” He comments, looking around at the empty theatre in awe. 

Thor just nods, sitting down beside Loki closely, too close really. Their thighs are pressed against each other their hands brush every time they move. Loki slowly slides his hand along his own leg until his fingertips touch the top of Thor’s. The larger man doesn’t move his hand away and they both breathe slowly, almost in sync.

“So. What are you going to teach me today?” Loki breathes, glancing at Thor.

Thor hums, his blue eyes focused on their hands.

“Tell me something about yourself.” He asks softly.

Loki raises an eyebrow.

“About me?” he asks, surprised.

Thor nods, never once raising his gaze.

“Yes. Tell me about your happiest memory.”

Loki watches his bent head and bites his lip unsurely. He goes to move his hand away but Thor snatches it quickly, cradling it in both of his. He finally looks up at Loki and smiles gently.

“Friends don’t hold each other’s hands like this.” Loki points out stiffly.

Thor smirks and lowers his mouth to the back of Loki’s hand. He kisses it warmly before letting it fall onto Loki’s lap. Loki sighs and tucks the strands of his long hair behind his ear, a strange expression on his face.

“When I was seven my mother grew extremely ill. The doctors said that there was nothing they could do and my father prepared me for the worst. It was horrible. I was constantly surrounded by death and grief and one day my father left my mother’s side, briefly, to go to town and buy our dinner. And when he was gone my mother found the strength to bring me out into the garden. It was hot, I can still feel the heat and we lay down, side by side, and she made me a daisy crown to wear around my head and…and she told me she loved me.” Loki whispers. “And that’s my happiest memory.”

Loki clears his throat and resolutely looks anywhere but at Thor. The larger man takes Loki’s hand once again and squeezes it lightly.

“Thank you.”

Loki shrugs, his gaze still downcast. They sit in silence for some time, holding hands and feeling the heat of each other grow between them.

“She died a few weeks later.” Loki breathes, watching his feet dangle over the edge. “My father was never the same afterwards.”

Thor nods.

“My brother died when I was nineteen; my parents still grieve as though it were yesterday.” He says softly.

Loki glances at Thor, his green eyes warm with something that Thor hasn’t seen before.

“I could see it when you danced with me; the way you held me. I could see your sadness.” Loki admits shyly. “That’s what I want. I want people to be moved when they see me dance, to feel what I feel.”

Thor smiles gently.

“I could feel it. I can always feel it.”

Loki furrows his brows slightly as Thor leans in, stopping when his mouth is but an inch away from Loki’s. They remain like that for a moment, their breaths mingling as they watch each other curiously.

“If you kiss me there is no way that we can only be friends.” Loki warns quietly.

Thor nods lightly.

“I don’t want to be friends.” He says with a smile and he presses his mouth against Loki’s determinedly. 

The kiss is nothing like Loki has ever experienced before. Thor’s mouth is hard and demanding above his. His lips move with such strength and conviction that Loki has no choice but to press himself against his chest and allow his mouth to fall open as Thor’s tongue enters his mouth. Their tongues seem to slide against one another almost lazily and Loki almost whimpers when Thor tangles his hands in his hair and pushes him back onto the wooden stage. He rolls on top of him without breaking the kiss and Loki is overwhelmed by the weight and heat of Thor’s body above his. He wraps his arms loosely around the back of Thor’s neck and kisses him with such wanting and longing that when Thor breaks the kiss it feels as if he has taken a piece of Loki’s soul with him. They watch each other breathlessly with kiss bruised lips and when Loki raises one shaking finger to trace the swollen edges of Thor’s mouth, the blonde man kisses the tip of it, something warm and beautiful filling his blue eyes.

“I need you to teach me how to love.” Loki whispers.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all such wonderful, kind people! Thank you for reading! I'm sorry that this is coming at you all so quickly but I leave for Uni on Wednesday and I need to give this to you before I leave! So, yes! Daily updates I am afraid. I hope that is ok! Once again, comments and kudos make me smile so hard! especially the lovely ones I've been receiving recently! much love <3

Thor exhales slowly, his breath tickling Loki’s fingers. He blinks once before nodding.

“I can do that.” He says softly.

Loki’s smile, though small, is brighter than the brightest of stars.

“Thank you.”

 

.

 

Jane watches Loki carefully ease himself into the splits, slowly stretching his muscles as he does so. His eyes are closed in concentration and his face is thrown up towards the ceiling. The image is almost pornographic and she isn’t surprised by the looks he is getting from some of the other dancers. Once he has fully lowered himself to the ground he opens his eyes and looks straight at her. Jane laughs and makes her way over to him, shaking her head as she does.

“You’ve got to quit showing off.” She teases.

Loki huffs out a breath of laughter and quirks his lips.

“How was your pizza and beers gathering?” he mocks.

Jane shrugs.

“Ok, I guess. There was a lot less sex than I thought there would be.”

Loki smiles wryly and stretches out to touch his toes.

“And then I came home and Thor was just in the worst mood, ever. So my night was pretty bad.” She sighs. “How was your night?”

Loki hums non-committedly. Jane rolls her eyes, folding her arms across her neat chest.

“I’m beginning to think that you were on some sort of top secret date.” She teases.

"Loki, on a date?” Tony scoffs as he walks by them. “The only thing that Loki is interested in is his career.”

Jane does not miss the way Loki stiffens as he pulls himself out of his stretch. Neither does she fail to see the look that passes between the two of them. It is hot and angry and probably a little bit sad.

“We’re doing the falling scene this morning.” Tony continues, gaining the attention of the full troupe as he walks to the front of the stage. “In general, I want to see controlled panic. From Jane and Loki, specifically, I want to see fear, hurt, passion and love, ok?”

The troupe nod and Tony smiles grimly.

“Ok. Let’s see what you guys can do.”

Tony hops down from the stage and presses play. A deep, melancholic song begins to slowly play. Each of the dancers step into first position; Jane and Loki standing a little bit ahead of the line of dancers behind them. They stand still until the melody becomes quicker and that is when they come to life. In their straight line, they perform a fast sequence of half turns by stepping onto one leg and completing the controlled turn onto the other. Both Loki and Jane step high onto the tips of their toes, keeping their legs held very close together. They move swiftly and gracefully. They leap into the air, opening their legs as they do so. The other dancers begin to step towards them agilely, pushing Loki and Jane closer to the edge of the stage. They then proceed to pirouette, spinning on one leg. Loki completes a triple turn with such speed that Tony cannot help but gasp when he lands with enviable precision. Jane then holds onto his hand as the other dancers close in around them. Together they engage in a series of pas de chat across the remaining stage space. The troupe soon have them circled however and proceed to deboulé en manége, spinning quicker and quicker until they reach the climax of the music’s controlled chaos. When the song cuts out the troupe fall to their knees; revealing Jane and Loki who are clinging to each other inside the circle. Tony waits for a moment before getting to his feet and clapping, beaming up at them.

“That was perfect.” He says simply as the dancers slowly get to their feet. “Absolutely perfect.”

 

.

 

Jane sighs as she pulls on her jacket. She is exhausted. Twelve hours of spins and chains and lifts has taken everything from her. She says goodbye to the girls and makes her way out the side door. She supposes she isn’t really that surprised to see Loki skulking in the shadows, waiting for her. He nods at her tightly when she steps outside and offers her a stiff smile.

“I need a ride home.” He announces.

Jane raises an eyebrow and quirks her lips at him. 

“Couldn’t Tony have given you one?” she challenges as they walk towards the mouth of the alley.

Loki snorts and shakes his head.

“Tony doesn’t give me anything without expecting something in return.” He snarls, shoving his hands deeper inside his leather jacket.

It’s a cold night and the bitter wind cuts their cheeks as they stand side by side, waiting for Thor. They don’t say much but Jane doesn’t mind. She doesn’t mind either when Loki steps closer to her so that his chest is pressed against her back. He’s shivering from the cold and she can hear the faint chattering of his teeth. When Thor pulls up, they all but run for the car. Jane slides into the back, granting Loki access to the heaters at the front. Thor takes one look at them and blasts the heat on full. 

“Good rehearsal?” he asks.

“Fine.” Loki answers quietly.

Jane just hums, resting her head against the window, letting her eyes slowly shut. She really is too tired to make conversation. Thor glances back at her sleeping form and smiles softly.

“You both look exhausted.” He comments.

Loki doesn’t say anything, preferring to watch the moving lights of the traffic as it flashes by. 

“They're like dragonflies.” He whispers.

Thor nods and smiles at Loki warmly.

“They’ve always reminded me of lanterns, guiding people home. I love driving at night and watching the different lights flash by. Almost like ships passing in the dead of night.” He says with a small laugh.

Loki grins and watches Thor with open adoration.

“I didn’t think anyone else saw it like that.” He admits quietly. 

Thor shrugs, beaming in that charming way of his.

“Either did I.”

All too soon they arrive at Loki’s apartment. Loki stares out at the dimly lit street and desolate looking buildings for a small moment, his brows furrowed as he does so. Thor says nothing, opting instead to examine Loki’s profile, the rather prominent swell of his nose, the faint pouting of his lips, the angular curve of his chin. Jane is sound asleep in the back of the car, snoring gently and Thor knows that Loki is just as tired.

“Do you want me to walk you to your door?” he teases.

Loki glances at him and Thor knows that he does but that he won’t accept. He leans across Loki and unbuckles his belt for him, planting a small kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Go home, get some sleep.” He chuckles.

Loki raises a hand to where Thor kissed him and blinks at him slowly.

“Tomorrow at half ten?” he asks hopefully.

Thor nods.

“Sure. Just drop in after rehearsal.”

Loki blushes sweetly and opens the car door.

“Thank you.” He mutters as he leaves, closing the door behind him. 

Thor watches him disappear back into the shadows. He jumps only slightly when Jane climbs into the front, her eyes still half-closed.

“He’s a sweet guy.” She sighs as she curls against Thor’s side. “And that thing about the car lights? That was some romantic material right there, you should use some of that on me.”

Thor chuckles and drops a kiss to her forehead.

“You hate it when I try to be romantic.”

“Yeah because I don’t want you to try, I want you to just be.”

 

.

 

“Hi Dad.” Loki exhales down the phone, his knees tucked under his chin as he sits on his bed, nervously fidgeting with the bedding beneath his feet. “It’s me, Loki.”

“I know who it is.” Came the bored reply.

Loki swallows audibly and bites his bottom lip anxiously.

“I’m just calling to see how you are.” He says quietly.

“Are you still dancing?”

Loki nods slowly.

“Yes.”

“Then I am still disappointed.” Laufey scoffs.

Loki winces and holds in his sigh.

“I got the lead part. I’m the lead this time, Dad.” 

There is a pause and Loki dares to hope for a moment.

“Are you still working for Stark?”

Loki does sigh this time.

“Yes, Dad.”

Laufey snorts and Loki can practically hear him rolling his eyes.

“Yes, well, then it’s not much of an achievement, is it? Any fool could get the lead if they were sucking their boss’s dick.”

Loki closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing, determined not to let his father know he has hurt him.

“Does he still pay for it or is you getting the lead repayment enough?” he sneers.

“I don’t do that anymore, Dad! You know I don’t!” Loki snaps.

“Bravo, son. Well done. I am delighted to see that you have stopped prostituting yourself, so proud.” Laufey hisses, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You can come to my show, if you want.” Loki all but whispers.

“I’m sure I shall be much too busy, whatever night it is.”

Loki feels his bottom lip tremble and nods.

“Bye, Dad.”

The line goes dead.

 

.

 

“You know, if I didn’t know you better I would say you were having an affair.” Sif declares.

Thor pushes his pasta around his plate and grins at his friend cheekily.

“Well, good thing you know me better then, isn’t it?”

Sif raises an eyebrow and glares at him.

“Don’t be a smart-ass Thor, nobody likes a smart-ass.” She warns.

Fandral laughs and waves one of his fries at Thor.

“It’s the pretty ballerino, isn’t it?” he teases.

Thor rolls his eyes and shoves a forkful of pasta into his mouth, resolutely ignoring his two best friends. Sif and Fandral share a knowing look that infuriates Thor.

“I hate Jane but don’t dick her around.” Sif sniffs as she picks at her salad with disinterest. “And I don’t know the hooker/ballerino but don’t dick him around either. Unless you’re paying him for it, which in that case I would strongly recommend that you-”

Sif falls silent when Thor stands from the table, his eyes fixed on something over her shoulder. She turns around and hums appreciatively when she sees a tall, dark-haired young man watching them with the greenest of eyes. His lips are pouted slightly as he raises an eyebrow.

“My ears are burning.” He drawls as he saunters over towards them.

Sif pulls a face when she realizes that the beautiful ballerino is very, very angry. Fandral clears his throat and goes to stand but Loki stops him by placing a firm hand on his shoulder, forcing him back into his seat.

“What is it you would strongly recommend?” Loki snarls dangerously.

Sif presses her lips together and shakes her head. Thor takes a step towards him.

“Loki, let us go practice.”

Their eyes lock and Thor knows that Loki is infuriated. He removes his hand from Fandral’s shoulder and stalks out of the small side-room, not turning or waiting to see if Thor is following him. Sif releases the breath she had been holding in as Thor leaves the room as well. Fandral fixes her with a pointed look.

“I’ve told you. You need to be careful, Sif. That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.”

 

.

 

“So, is that what you do when I am not around?” Loki explodes once they are inside the theatre hall. “You and your friends sit around and mock me?”

Loki spins around and glares at Thor with such ferocity that at first the taller man is slightly frightened.

“We were not mocking you.” He says calmly.

“She called me a hooker!” Loki snaps.

“And are you?” Thor challenges quietly.

Loki freezes and stares at Thor, his mouth hanging open slightly. He takes a step back and blinks at Thor.

“What do you think?” he snaps. “Hm? Do I look like a cheap whore to you?”

Thor shakes his head.

“You look sad.” He says simply.

Loki’s face crumples and the air between them changes. Gone is the charge and spark of Loki’s anger and in its place comes the deep ache and pull of sadness. Thor takes a few tentative steps towards the slighter man and is relieved when Loki does not walk away. Loki holds out his hand and Thor takes it between his, pulling Loki closer so that he may embrace him as he does so.

“Why are you so sad?” Thor whispers into his soft, silky hair.

Loki shakes his head against Thor’s chest and listens to the slow, steady beat of Thor’s heart. 

“I feel as if there is a part of me that is missing and no matter how hard I try or how desperately I search; I cannot find it. It is as if I am without a limb or some vital organ and it affects every aspect of my life.” He mutters against Thor’s t-shirt. “I want to find it but I can’t.”

Thor hums softly and holds Loki tighter and Loki feels as if he is drowning. There is so much he wants to say, so much he wants to show Thor but he just can’t bring himself to do it.

“What if I helped you find it?” Thor offers quietly.

Loki pushes at Thor’s chest gently and looks up at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Do you think you could?” he whispers.

Thor presses his lips against Loki’s sweetly.

“I can try.” He breathes.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all! Also, I know its a pain to have to read this daily but its the only way you guys will have it before I go to uni, so please bear with me! I am sorry! <3

Tony remembers the first time he met Loki, the first time he saw him dance. He had been at some stupid strip-club. He had been feeling bitter and rejected and just needed to blow off some steam. The girls with the large breast jiggling in his face really didn’t do anything for him. He had looked past them, bored and frustrated and then he had seen him; hanging from a pole upside down with only his strong, milky white thighs supporting him. He had wrapped himself around the pole like a vine, moving up and down it like a snake. Tony had never seen anything so beautiful.

He had paid for Loki that night, unaware of the fact that he was only eighteen. They hadn’t done much, just the exchange of blow jobs and some sloppy, half-hearted kissing. But Loki had talked and talked. He told Tony tales of his childhood in England, of his parents, his older siblings, his love of ballet, of dance, of music. Tony had been enthralled and when the sun had risen the following morning, Tony was sad to see Loki go.

“Can I see you again?” he had blurted out as Loki dressed.

And he had smiled over his shoulder at Tony, a strand of his thick, black hair falling over his face, making him seem impossibly young.

“For the right amount, you can have anything.” He had breathed seductively and Tony had laughed a real laugh.

“Give me your number.” He demanded, scrabbling about in the dresser beside his bed for a pen.

Loki had sighed impatiently but gave him his number all the same.

“I want to see you dance.” Tony had exclaimed.

And Loki raised both his eyebrows and shrugged.

“Come by the club then.” He sniffed.

“No. I want to see you dance properly. I have a ballet studio and its fucking tiny but you can come by and dance any time you want.” He had offered excitedly.

Loki shrugged non-committedly and made his way to the door.

“Uh huh. Some other time.” He had called over his shoulder, his slight hips swaying as he walked.

Tony watches Loki now, watches the way he strides across the stage, his back straight, his head held high, his hips wider and stronger looking and he cannot help but feel sad. Gone is the boy who used to smile at him, who used to climb into his bed and just allow himself to be held and cherished and loved. Instead, what stands before him now, is a shadow of who Loki used to be.

“What happened to you?” Tony whispers under his breath as Loki spins across the stage. “What have I missed?”

 

.

 

“Ok, but seriously, it is a life or death situation, right?” Darcy exclaims. “And you absolutely have to do either Clooney or Pitt; which one do you choose?”

Thor strokes his beard thoughtfully as he leans against the door of his Chevrolet, his blue eyes narrowed slightly as he thinks. Darcy watches him with a delighted smile and waits.

“Probably Clooney.” He says with a shrug.

Darcy pulls a face and waves a dismissive hand at Thor.

“That’s bullshit; he is totally over-rated.” 

Thor laughs and is about to argue with her when Jane and Loki appear before them, both of them looking downtrodden and exhausted.

“You guys look like shit.” Darcy comments, her arms folded across her chest.

Jane raises an eyebrow.

“Jeez, thanks Darcy. That’s exactly what a girl needs to hear before she jumps her incredibly handsome boyfriend.”

Thor frowns, a small smile on his lips.

“I’m being jumped tonight?” he asks.

Jane presses a kiss to his cheek and nods enthusiastically.

“Yup and it’s going to be a damn good jumping as well.” She says with a heated smile.

Darcy rolls her eyes and then looks at Loki hopefully.

“I don’t suppose you’re equally horny after your practice?” She jokes.

Loki frowns at her and then turns his glare on Thor and Jane.

“I think I shall walk.” He says stiffly.

Jane laughs and swats at him playfully.

“It’s ok, Loki, we’re not going to start having sex in the car. I can restrain myself until after we’ve had something to eat and dropped you home.” She giggles.

Loki flashes a look at Thor, who seems equally uncomfortable with the whole conversation.

“Let him walk, Jane. He might want to clear his head.” Thor says helpfully.

Jane sighs and grabs Loki’s hand, pulling him towards the car.

“Come on. You haven’t eaten in over twelve hours; at least let me make sure you’ve something warm in you.”

“Jane.” Loki says quietly, his green eyes boring into hers. “I want to walk.”

Jane bites her lip unhappily and lets go of his hand reluctantly.

“Loki-” She starts to say but falls silent as Loki begins to walk away swiftly, his head bent lowly and hands buried deep inside his jacket.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starting to get the feeling that he doesn’t like me.” Darcy declares dramatically. “And I don’t care if you guys are sexing it up tonight; I’m staying at yours.”

Thor opens his mouth to argue but Darcy silences him with a look.

“After this second rejection I am in a very fragile place, Thor. Don’t push me.” She sighs as she climbs into the car. “And I say we get Chinese tonight.”

 

.

 

“You know, I’ve started thinking that maybe I should begin charging you.” Tony announces as he steps aside to allow Loki access to his home.

Loki says nothing and steps inside, kicking his boots off as he does so. He shrugs out of his leather jacket and follows Tony through to the kitchen where he was just beginning to make dinner.

“Chicken stir-fry good for you?” he asks as he goes back to chopping his vegetables.

Loki sits on a stool by his breakfast bar and nods.

“Whatever you are making is fine.” He says quietly.

“You’re getting better, you know. Whatever you and Jane are doing outside of the studio is really beginning to work. For once you look like you’re actually feeling something.” Tony murmurs casually.

Loki runs a finger along the steel counter-top of the breakfast bar and watches Tony carefully, his green eyes narrowed slightly.

“What does love feel like?” he whispers.

Tony hums as he throws his ingredients on the pan and they sizzle and steam. He keeps his back to Loki as he shrugs.

“I don’t know, really. I think we all feel love differently, don’t you?”

Loki pulls a face and rests his head in his hands, looking on as Tony carefully cooks their meal.

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t think I can feel anything.”

 

.

 

“Do you think he would kill me if I told Jane?” Sif asks around her cigarette.

Fandral wriggles closer to her, his arms wrapped around her slight waist as he noses his way along her bare shoulder. He hums in amusement.

“I think if he didn’t kill you, he would most definitely be very upset.” He says softly.

Sif clicks her tongue impatiently.

“It is most unlike Thor to be so dishonest.”

Fandral shrugs.

“Perhaps he really is only giving him acting lessons. We have no proof that much else has happened.” He says reasonably.

Sif stubs out her cigarette and rolls into her lovers arms, her dark hair framing her face beautifully.

“I just don’t want her getting hurt.”

Fandral laughs loudly.

“Sif, you only wish to be the one to bring her the bad news!”

 

.

 

Thor smiles when he sees him sprawled out across the stage, his long, dark hair fanned out behind him like some kind of dark halo. He is staring at the stars painted on the roof above them, his long pale fingers stretched out as though he could touch them if he tried.

“Jane painted them when we first moved here.” He announces as he lies down beside him.

“They’re beautiful. They almost look real.” Loki breathes, his green eyes glittering with wonderment.

Thor wraps an arm around him and pulls him into his chest. Loki does not fight the intimacy and rests his head on Thor’s chest, never once dragging his eyes away from the painting above them.

“I used to wish on them when I was a child.” Thor admits shyly. “That I would one day win an Oscar and act alongside the likes of Al Pacino and Helen Mirren.” 

Loki laughs softly.

“I used to think I could speak with my mother through the stars; that they were like portals into the heavens that held the wishes and thoughts of the loved ones left behind. Me and my father used to lay out beneath the sky and tell her everything. He told me that she would come along and collect her star once it was full.” He whispers. “I spoke to her every night for a year.”

Thor smiles gently and holds Loki against him tighter.

“That’s really lovely.” He decides.

“The night after you told me about your brother I spoke to his star.” Loki reveals softly.

Thor turns his head and looks down at the black head resting on his chest.

“Did he speak back?”

Loki shakes his head slowly. 

“No. But I felt something warm rinse through me; like standing beneath the hot spray of the shower.”

Thor pulls at Loki until he is lying on top of him, watching him with his emerald eyes. Thor smiles at him warmly, his blue eyes shining with something bright and warm and loving.

“He would have liked you.” Thor murmurs. “You’re so different from everyone else, Loki.”

He raises his head slightly so that he may fit his mouth against Loki’s and the ballerino happily melts into the kiss, his hands finding their way into his long, blonde hair. The kiss is soft and gentle and unrushed, like Loki and Thor themselves.

“Different enough to tear you away from Jane?” Loki questions. “Or so different that you will always stay with her?”

Thor blinks at him for a moment, unsure of how to answer.

“I don’t want to lie to you.” He says slowly.

Loki’s eyes flash with something dark.

“Then don’t.” 

Thor runs one hand through Loki’s hair and sighs softly.

“I don’t know what I want. I told you that before; there is something missing from my life too, Loki.”

And it hangs between them, Thor’s unspoken words, his promise that he has not yet given life. 

There is something missing from his life and he thinks that Loki may be it.

 

.

 

“Lift her, Loki. Lift!” Tony shouts.

Loki holds Jane above his head as she stretches out beneath his hands, her knees bent, her head thrown back, revealing her long, delicate looking neck.

“Now, swoop, Jane! As if you’re falling with wings; go.” 

Jane holds her hands above her head and drives herself towards the ground, sweeping her left leg along the floor as Loki slowly lowers her to the ground. The movement is fluid and strong and when Jane spins away into the arms of another dancer, Tony claps.

“Good you two, that was very good. Few technical issues, Jane but you and I can work on that later.”

Jane nods and smiles at Loki.

“You’re getting really good.” She pants. “Seriously, sometimes I forget who you are and it feels like Thor or someone is beneath me.”

Tony grins and claps Loki on the back.

“The big guy been giving you some pointers?” he teases.

Jane nods happily.

“Yeah! They have acting lessons every second night; Thor said you’re making some serious progress.”

Tony beams at him and it is such a warm, happy, loving smile that Loki feels as if he is being suffocated. He cannot reciprocate and he cannot stop the shiver that runs down his back when Tony runs one finger down the length of his damp neck. Jane steps closer and embraces Loki tightly, planting a hot kiss on his bare shoulder.

“I’m so proud of you.” She whispers.

It feels as if something is clawing at Loki’s throat and he knows this feeling too well. It’s the feeling he always got after finishing with yet another stranger. He needs air. Loki smiles tightly at Jane before marching off the stage and making his way to his dressing room. Steve is sitting at the table, applying his powder when Loki enters.

“You okay?” he asks as he watches Loki through the mirror.

Loki is shaking from head to toe. His stomach is churning as his hands scrabble at the wall, trying to find some kind of purchase that would support him. 

“Give me my phone!” he gasps as he forces himself to keep breathing.

Steve races to Loki’s bag and takes it out, handing it to Loki quickly. Loki fires off a text and waits, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, in and out through his nose. His phone vibrates and he glances down at the screen.

10 minutes.

 

.

 

Thor is more than a little surprised when Loki throws himself at him when he comes running out the side-door. Thor catches him in his arms, his strong weight throwing Thor back against the side of the car. Loki crashes his lips against Thor’s, his hands practically tearing at the skin on Thor’s shoulders. It takes all of Thor’s self-restraint to push Loki away, suddenly very aware of the fact that they are out in the open.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as he takes in the wild look in Loki’s eyes.

“Take me home.” He demands, shouldering Thor out of the way so that he can slip into the passenger seat.

Thor frowns slightly but does as he is told. They drive mostly in silence, save for Loki’s laboured breathing. His movements are erratic and distracted as he runs his fingers along the dashboard, his fingertips beating some kind of unrecognisable beat. When they pull up outside Loki’s apartment, the dark-haired man turns to face Thor, a sincere look on his face.

“If you come in, I will fuck you.” He declares.

Thor stares at Loki in surprise and is about to open his mouth when Loki shakes his head, closing his eyes shut.

“No, what I meant to say was; I want you to come in and fuck me.” He corrects.

Thor runs a hand through his hair and looks at Loki uncomfortably.

“You must know by now that I want to, Loki; that I would love to but-”

“Don’t say her name.” Loki says quickly, his eyes wide and pleading. “Please, Thor. Just come inside.”

And Thor thinks of all the times he has wanted Loki, how he has imagined Loki writhing beneath him, his skin warm and soft and pliant beneath his hands. And then he thinks of Loki as a prostitute, having men use him and abuse him just to reach a pointless climax. He thinks of Jane and her bright smile and how she trusts him and loves him and believes that above all else he would never intentionally hurt her. He looks at Loki and the slighter man knows his answer.

“So be it.” Loki breathes, opening the side door as he does so.

He steps outside rather shakily and Thor thinks back to the desperation of the kiss outside the car, the terrible taste of sadness and something bitter lingering on his lips long after Loki had stopped. Thor jumps out his door and follows Loki. The smaller man stops only for a moment, to look over his shoulder at Thor uncertainly.

“Is this it?” he asks. “Have I spoiled it all?”

Thor swallows audibly and shakes his head, moving closer to the slighter man, until Loki’s back is pressed against his chest and Loki can feel his heat, can feel strong arms winding their way around his waist, stroking as they do so.

“Take me inside.” Thor whispers against the shell of his ear, his lips hot and wet against his cold skin.

Loki turns in Thor’s arms, bringing their lips together greedily.

“Thank you.” He says softly.

 

.

 

“You’re good for him, you know.” Tony sighs as Jane stretches on the floor at his feet.

She looks up with one raised eyebrow.

“And you’re not.” She says with a smile.

Tony smirks and shakes his head at her.

“I used to be. But then he grew up I suppose and he didn’t need me anymore.” He says almost sadly.

“Well, he’s got me now. And Thor. We’ll pick up where you left off.”

 

.

It is nothing like Loki has ever experienced before. Thor’s hot, heavy hands are everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. The rasp of his stubble against his sensitive skin makes him moan. His suckling kisses on his neck, shoulder, nipples make him whine and writhe beneath the larger man. The weight of Thor is too much. Loki feels trapped. There is a small part of Loki’s brain that tells him Thor could take him against his will if he wanted and Loki supposes it is just the old part of him shining through, a part of his brain that refuses to let go of the past, to force him to remember those horrible memories even when the man he thinks he loves is kissing him all over and making his thighs shake. Thor’s body is just how Loki imagined it beneath his clothing. It is hot and warm and hard. Energy and strength pulse through his muscles as he moves and when he lowers himself and pulls Loki’s cheeks apart until to plant hot kisses there as well, Loki feels as if he is going to pass out. He has never been ravished, he has never partaken in sex that is unselfish. But Thor keeps giving. He presses slick fingers inside of Loki once has thoroughly fucked him with his tongue and Loki doesn’t know how much more he can take. His erection is throbbing and leaking, heavy against his pale stomach. 

“Yes, yes, yes.” Loki chants as Thor lines himself up with Loki’s hole.

It is with one long, thrust that Thor enters him and Loki thinks that he may have finally found what it is that he has lost. Thor moves inside him with powerful thrusts and Loki thinks that this is what it is like to feel completed. Thor is his missing limb, the piece of his puzzle that has always eluded him. His strong hands hold Loki’s hips and bucks into him with abandon, his head thrown backwards, his mouth open as he pants harshly, the muscles of his stomach clenching and unclenching with each movement. Their climax is nothing short of electric. Loki cries out, his entire body tensing as Thor grunts, still buried deep inside of him as he finishes. 

And Thor looks at him with wide, blue eyes and Loki is certain that he felt it too. Thor pulls out of him slowly, never once breaking eye-contact and climbs up the bed to be beside Loki. He plants a sweet kiss on Loki’s lips and looks at him with something dark and different clouding his eyes.

“Would you laugh at me if I told you that I think you’re my missing piece?” Loki whispers.

Thor snorts and smirks at Loki.

“Me or my cock, Loki?” he teases.

And Loki raises a hand to Thor’s chest and smiles beautifully.

“You. It was always you.”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this may be the penultimate chapter. As always, much love and enjoy!

Loki doesn’t remember sex being like this. He doesn’t think he has ever been brought to the brink of tears as he finds his release. He doesn’t recall Tony ever touching him so thoroughly, as if all he wants is to spend his life nestled between Loki’s legs. Thor makes him feel as if he is a star, shining brightly beneath his touches. Thor makes him feel as if he is invaluable.

But most of all Thor makes him feel.

 

.

 

“There’s something different about you.” Jane hums as she spins daintily around Loki.

Loki raises an eyebrow as he snatches at her waist, pulling her into him and resting his head on her shoulder. Jane entwines her fingers with his and raises her arm above her head, bringing Loki’s with her.

“What do you mean?” he asks quietly as Jane pushes back into him, her back arching as she does so.

Jane laughs breathlessly and turns her head so that she can fix him with a knowing look.

“You’ve met someone.” She says with a teasing grin.

Loki blinks at her slowly before shaking his head.

“No.” he huffs as he spins Jane around so that she is facing him.

Together they side-step their way across the stage and Jane leaps into the air. Loki places his hands on her waist, lifting her into him. Jane wraps her legs around his hips and leans backwards until she is almost horizontal.

“Hold yourself straighter, Jane.” Tony calls.

Jane does as she is told and Loki can see the muscles of her stomach quivering lightly from the strain of it. Tony nods.

“Ok. Good. Now take me through Act IV once more.” He orders.

Loki lifts Jane again and places her on her feet. Jane grins at him and pokes his nose playfully.

“You have met someone. I can see it.” She giggles.

Loki shakes his head and shrugs his arm out of her grip.

“You see nothing.” He snaps as he stalks his way across the stage.

Jane just laughs and skips after him, begging him for a name.

“Or even just hair colour, come on! Do I know him? Is it Steve? Because he is completely in love with you!” she exclaims.

Loki glances at her and Jane can see the sadness in his eyes. It startles her a little and she frowns slightly, placing her hand on Loki’s arm lightly, about to ask him if he was okay. He blinks, however, and the sadness is gone. Instead she is met by a blank gaze, eyes that reveal nothing and Jane knows that Loki is a better actor than any of them have ever given him credit for.

 

.

 

“Will you end it?” Loki asks as he rests his head against Thor’s bare chest.

The larger man nods.

“Yes. After your show, it would be cruel to do it beforehand.” He answers softly.

Loki presses a kiss to the warm skin beneath him and smiles up at Thor sadly. He knows that it is not easy and there is a bitter sweetness to their love-making. Because no matter how hard Loki tries to forget, he knows that Thor is going back to Jane as soon as they are done. 

“Okay.” Loki whispers, running his fingers through Thor’s stubble.

He smiles down at him, his blue eyes warm and kind and Loki feels this heat wrap itself around his heart and squeeze until he can’t help but giggle, sweet and soft. He feels silly but he cannot stop himself from climbing atop Thor and kissing him hotly. Strong hands wrap themselves around his waist and Loki laughs into his mouth when he feels Thor’s member twitching with interest beneath him.

“You are insatiable!” He breathes against his lips.

And Thor looks at him with wide, honest eyes and shakes his head.

“Only when it comes to you.”

 

.

 

Tony watches as Loki and Jane spin together in perfect harmony. They look as if they are one being, one leg raised, their hips pressed against one another and he realizes that something in Loki has changed. He no longer dances as if he is a storm, destroying everything in his path. He dances now as if he were a star, twinkling and shining brightly, sucking the viewer in with precise, controlled movements and emotions that seem to be dripping from his sleeve like a bleeding heart.

“He’s different.” Steve remarks from his seat behind Tony.

Natasha nods.

“He’s better.” She decides.

And Tony agrees with her whole-heartedly. Loki has achieved what Tony never could; the fine balance between acting and actually showing the audience a small part of your soul. Gone are the blank expressions and the almost wooden way in which he holds Jane. Now, Tony could almost believe they were in love if he didn’t know how much women scared Loki.

“They’ve definitely fucked.” Another dancer mutters behind him.

“Doubt it.” Another snorts. “Have you seen her boyfriend? I’d turn for some of that.”

Tony frowns thoughtfully as Loki prances across the stage with Jane at his heels. He knew Loki would never sleep with Jane but her boyfriend? That was another thing completely.

 

.

 

“Want to come to my parent’s house for dinner tomorrow?” Thor breathes as he nuzzles against Loki’s neck.

Loki continues to massage his aching feet and shrugs.

“If you want me to.” He answers carefully.

Thor breathes out a small huff of laughter and presses Loki’s back tightly against his chest, his hands rubbing at his sides incessantly.

“Of course I want you to, but do you?” he challenges.

Loki shrugs once again and leans against Thor completely.

“I guess it would be nice to meet your parents.” He says slowly.

Thor beams and presses a chaste kiss to Loki’s cheek.

“They’ll love you.”

And Loki laughs giddily because never in his life has he had so many people ‘love’ him.

 

.

 

Darcy takes a small sip of her wine thoughtfully and glances at her watch when the front door opens. It’s nearly three o’clock in the morning and Thor is only coming in now. She raises an eyebrow at Jane who shrugs lazily. When Thor enters Darcy can practically smell the sex from him. Or at least she thinks she can. There is no whiff of perfume or any signs of lipstick but there is an earthy, salty smell that reminds Darcy of the time she had sex with that trucker with the insanely large penis and a love for anal fingering. 

“Why are you home so late?” Jane asks with a smile as Thor comes in and throws himself at their feet in front of the fire.

“Rehearsal ran over and then I had a few drinks with Sif.” He sighs, picking up one of Jane’s feet and massaging it carefully.

Jane groans happily and Darcy prods Thor’s shoulder with one of her own bare feet.

“Me next.” She demands.

Thor chuckles and swats her foot away as he continues to knead and stroke his lovers feet.

“How is Sif?” Jane asks.

“Fine. She’s coming with me to Mother and Father’s tomorrow; they haven’t seen her in so long.” He explains.

Darcy raises both eyebrows at Jane but she is too busy writhing in pleasure as Thor massages her instep.

“We’ll come too.” Darcy announces brightly.

Thor snorts and looks at her over his shoulder.

“You weren’t invited.” He points out. “They invited Sif.”

Darcy widens her eyes innocently.

“Surely Jane doesn’t need an invitation after all this time?” she gasps.

“I don’t want to go.” Jane sighs. “It’s always so boring.”

Darcy notices the way Thor’s back stiffens and he gently lets go of Jane’s foot, yawning loudly and so obviously fake.

“I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.” He declares, making his way to his feet and leaving the room.

Darcy nudges her best friend with her foot and looks at her with wide, urgent eyes.

“He’s fucking Sif.” She hisses.

Jane waves a hand at her dismissively and takes a large sip of her drink.

“No he’s not. He’s trying to make me jealous by bringing Sif to his parent’s house. He wants me to go all crazy and demand that he takes me instead.” She chuckles.

“Why don’t you go?” Darcy argues.

Jane looks at her as though she is crazy.

“Because I have one day off before my show that opens next Friday and I am going to spend it sleeping, not being interrogated as to why we’re not married with three children.”

 

.

 

“What if they don’t like me?” Loki asks quietly as they pull up outside of a huge white house surrounded by high, golden gates.

Thor laughs and shakes his head.

“Of course they will! What’s not to like?” he demands as they gates slowly open, granting them entry.

Loki remains silent as looks back down at his outfit once again. His cream loafers were spotless as were his tight, black skinny jeans. His maroon coloured cashmere jumper was brand new and his black hair was neatly pressed back and completely straight. He jumps slightly when Thor’s large hand lands on his thigh and squeezes gently. Loki looks up to meet Thor’s affectionate gaze and warm smile.

“You look perfect. Just be yourself.” He says, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Loki’s mouth before climbing out of the car.

They make their way across the gravel and Thor opens the heavy, oak door, leading Loki into the wide foyer with its high windows and expansive staircase. The house is extravagant and so sparklingly clean that Loki feels as if he is dirtying it with his tainted presence. Thor places his hand on the small of his back and leads him into the kitchen which is all marble and steel and shines so brightly that Loki nearly squints. There is a tall, blonde haired woman standing in the middle of the room, peeling vegetables and she is unmistakably Thor’s mother. Her eyes are a wonderful shade of blue and twinkle magically when she turns her gaze on her son.

“Thor.” She greets warmly, making her way over to them and embracing him smoothly. 

Thor grins and hugs her back, squeezing her hips before he lets go of her. Her smile falters only slightly when she turns her attention to Loki and she flashes a quick look at Thor.

“No Jane?” she asks breezily.

“She’s visiting her father this evening.” Thor lies smoothly.

Frigga raises an eyebrow and stretches her hand out for Loki to shake.

“You must be Loki.”

She says his name as if it were a curse word that greatly offends her and Loki feels his heart sink as he looks into her knowing eyes.

“Yes, I am Thor’s friend.” He says quietly.

Her smile tightens and she lets go of his hand before making her way back over to where she was chopping the food. Thor smiles at Loki encouragingly and the dark-haired man wants to run. He is about to when a tall, white haired man enters the room. He has a patch over one eye and he regards Loki coolly for a moment before shrugging, clapping Thor on the back loudly before leaving the room once more.

“That was my father.” Thor explains as he pops some raw carrot into his mouth.

Loki nods slowly and approaches Frigga carefully.

“Would you like some help?” he asks meekly.

Frigga sighs before nodding.

“You may peel the potatoes.”

 

.

 

Thor follows his father out into the garden. Odin was sitting in his hammock, swaying back and forth ever so slightly, his gaze fixed on his bird house. Little sparrows and starlings twitter and flap about above him and when Thor sits down beside him Odin sighs almost impatiently.

“I don’t know why you have brought him here.” Odin says gruffly.

“Because I wanted you to meet him.” Thor says simply.

“You only ever bring your lovers home.” Odin points out.

“Yes.” Thor says levelly.

There is a small moment of silence before Odin nods.

“I see.” He breathes. “I liked Jane.”

Thor smiles and looks at his father fondly.

“So do I. But I love Loki.”

Odin pulls a face.

“Loki. Such a strange name.” 

Thor laughs loudly, startling a few of the birds overhead.

“Thor is hardly normal!” he challenges.

“Have you left her yet?” 

Thor shakes his head slowly.

“Not yet. She has a rather large ballet production opening on Friday. I felt it were best to leave it until afterwards.”

Odin hums softly tom himself before nodding.

“So be it. He is a handsome boy.”

 

.

 

Loki can feel himself sweating as he thinks of something clever or interesting to say. Frigga is chopping beside him such aggression that Loki is almost afraid to reach past her to get more potatoes in case she takes a swipe at him.

“Thor has always been foolish.” She suddenly announces. “He has never really known what he wants and he can be very easily influenced or swayed.”

Loki glances at her but does not say anything.

“He always changes his mind but Jane has been a constant in his life since his brother died. They were friends long before they were lovers, you see. I like Jane. She is a lovely, lovely girl. So pretty and sweet and loving. A very talented dancer as well. The best in the state, I have been reliably informed. Thor loves her very much.” Frigga says with a sigh.

Loki nods.

“Yes, I know.” He says softly.

Frigga looks at him sharply and cannot help but feel a little swayed by his beauty. Loki is unlike any man she has ever seen before. He is svelte but strong looking. His emerald eyes were fanned by some of the darkest, thickest eyelashes she has ever seen and his skin was a flawless cream colour. His lips were plump and peachy and his dark hair was a most remarkable contrast to the rest of him. There was something distinctly feminine about him and yet something deliciously masculine at the same time. She can see why Thor would be attracted to him.

“Are you sleeping with my son?” She asks bluntly.

The flicker of his eyelids is enough of an answer but Frigga waits, her arms folded across her chest as she watches him with hard eyes.

“Yes.” Loki finally says. 

Frigga hums softly and turns away from Loki, continuing to chop her vegetables. They return to silence and Loki wants to disappear. Frigga clears her throat as she hands Loki some more potatoes, one of her hands catching him around his wrist.

“Someone is going to be hurt, regardless, Loki and I have a terrible feeling that it is going to be you.” She whispers. “My son loves easily and freely but never has he loved anyone the way he loves Jane. I fear that you are just another one of his attempts at filling the hole the death of his brother has created.”

Loki shrugs free of her grip around his wrist and inhales sharply.

“With all due respect, Mrs. Odinsson, you do not know your son very well and neither do you know me, so I would kindly ask that you keep your ridiculous assumptions to yourself.” He snarls, something dark flashing behind his eyes.

Frigga smiles slowly and unkindly, taking a step closer to Loki, a hard look in her blue eyes.

"And may I ask, Loki, is the love you give my son free or do you have an hourly rate?"

.

 

When Thor re-enters the kitchen he is more than a little surprised to see that Loki is not there. He frowns at his mother who was now peeling the potatoes calmly, a smug smile on her face.

“Where is Loki?” he demands.

“Oh. He did not feel well so he has gone home.” Frigga says with a small smile. “He’s a quiet little thing, isn’t he? He seemed quite speechless really.”

Thor’s heart skips a beat and watches his mother carefully.

“What did you say Mother?”

Frigga shrugs and places the potatoes into a pot. 

“Not much, darling but what I did say he didn’t seem to like.” She sighs. “He stormed out of here in a rather vicious temper.”

Thor groans and goes to grab his car keys but Frigga blocks his way to the door, a stern look on his face.

“Thor. I need you to think clearly for a moment; you and Jane are very happy together, why would you throw it all away for a simple dalliance with a prostitute?” She challenges.

Thor looks at her in surprise.

“How did you know that?” 

Frigga makes a scoffing sound and rolls her eyes.

“Please, Thor! Loki Laufeyson? He is quite a renowned dancer with a rather spectacular past. Did you think I would not recognize him?” she challenges.

“No, I just-”

Frigga places a hand on his chest and looks up at him imploringly.

“If you wish to be with that boy there is nothing I can do but I ask you to remember one thing; he was a prostitute, he knows exactly how to make men feel a certain way, to feel loved and wanted and needed. He used to make a living from it so please, do not be fooled by him or his charms.”

 

.

 

Loki runs as fast as he can. He races through the countryside, wondering how he could have been so stupid. He would never be able to leave his past behind and she knew, Thor’s mother knew everything about him. She could see right through him, into his soul and she knows that he is barren, that the inside of his chest is empty and hollow. 

And she would tell Thor. Beautiful, kind, warm-hearted Thor would be ashamed to think that he could change Loki. 

Because nobody will ever be able to save him or fix him or change him because Loki can’t let go, he can’t forget.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. This is just a really short chapter that is most definitely the penultimate. I'm catching my flight in like four hours so the final chapter won't for about two weeks? I'm really sorry about that but hopefully the ten chapters that you have will keep you ticking over until then. Much love as usual. Please enjoy.

Thor relents for a moment and watches his mother uncertainly.

“Loki wouldn’t do that. He’s been nothing but honest with me.” He declares.

Frigga raises her eyebrows and folds her arms across her chest determinedly

“And how do you know that he’s being honest? How do you know he’s not been spinning you lies all this time? He was a liesmith, Thor; he lied to men for money.” She snaps.

“Leave him be.” Odin calls from the patio door as he makes his way into the kitchen. “Let him make his own mistakes, Frigga.”

Frigga flashes a furious look at her husband.

“And that is how we lost Balder! By letting him back his own mistakes!” she snaps.

“He was a man, Frigga! He was a fully grown man who was free to make his own choices!” Odin growls.

Thor runs a hand through his hair frantically and groans loudly.

“Why must everything go back to Balder? Why can’t something just be about me for once?” he all but bellows.

Frigga turns to stare at Thor as Odin shakes his head and makes his way back out to the garden, slamming the patio door behind him. Thor drags a hand across his face and watches his mother with hard eyes.

“You wonder why Jane won’t come here? Why I try to skip as many Sunday dinners as I can? You. You’re a bitter, hardened old woman and today you have shown your true colours.” He snarls.

Frigga’s head jerks back as though slapped. Something darkens behind her eyes as she takes a step closer to her son.

“You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy.” She hisses. “You’re brother never would have done this; he would never deliberately hurt someone he supposedly loves for a cheap lay.”

Thor ignores the tears that are burning his eyes and smiles at his mother coldly.

“No. Instead Balder overdosed on heroin in a hotel bathroom after fucking yet another nameless whore.” He spits, his face but inches from hers.

Frigga looks as though she wants to hit him but restrains herself. She steps to the side so that Thor may pass. He shoulders past her aggressively and makes his way to the front door, slamming it as hard as he can as he exits the house. Frigga brings one shaking hand to her mouth and closes her eyes as tears leak out from behind her shut eyelids.

“I think you’ve lost us another son.” Odin says quietly.

 

.

 

Thor pulls up beside Loki when he finally finds him on those old, windy country roads. Loki stops walking and turns to face Thor, a terrified look on his face. Thor jumps out of the car and tries to scoop Loki up in an embrace but the slighter man places a hand against his chest, pushing him away gently.

“Don’t.” he croaks.

“Loki. You mustn’t listen to anything my mother said!” Thor exclaims, his hands desperately clinging on to his hips.

Loki pushes at his hands firmly, a pained expression on his face.

“Thor.” He warns.

Thor shakes his head and grabs Loki by the shoulders, trying to crush him against his chest but Loki scrabbles at him almost frantically, pushing at him with a strength that surprises the older man.

“Just stop. You don’t want this. Stop pitying me!” Loki hisses.

Thor furrows his brows and shakes his head.

“Loki, this is madness!”

Loki laughs hollowly and tilts his head to the side, hot tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Is it?” he snarls. “Is it? Is it?”

Thor takes a step back and watches Loki miserably.

“I love you.” He says simply, his blue eyes wide and honest. “I truly love you, Loki.”

And Loki feels as if the wind has been knocked out of him. His harsh face softens as he watches Thor with huge green eyes. His bottom lip trembles and he shakes his head slowly.

“I have tricked you.” He whispers. “I’ll never feel what you want me to feel. I can’t feel anything, Thor.”

“I said I would help you, did I not? Did I not promise?” Thor declares dramatically. "I know you can feel something! I feel it when you kiss me, when you hold yourself against my chest."

Loki knows he can feel it. He has never felt anything so strongly in his life. He longs to wind his arms around Thor and kiss him until they are both breathless. He wants to laugh, to scream, to cry. He feels all mixed up and he thinks that this is love.

“Can you leave me be for now?” Loki asks quietly. “I need time to think.”

Thor nods shakily before making his way back to his car and leaving Loki alone with his thoughts.

 

.

 

Jane jumps when she hears the front door crash open. She looks up from her book and sees Thor standing before her, his eyes bloodshot and red from crying, his blonde hair a mess.

“Thor?” she breathes, placing her book down beside her.

He just shakes his head and makes his way to the kitchen. She can hear him clinking the bottles, obviously searching for something stronger than the red win Jane was drinking. She slowly gets to her and feet and follows Thor. He has a bottle of Jack Daniels pressed to his mouth as he stares out the window, his blue eyes watery and unfocussed. 

“Thor.” Jane says, louder this time. 

He still ignores her, gulping down the spirit loudly, his hands shaking only slightly.

“Thor, put down the bottle.” She demands.

He does so slowly. He places the bottle against the counter-top shakily. His large shoulders slump as he turns to face her, tears beginning to trail down his cheeks.

“You want to tell me what happened?” she asks gently, wrapping her arms around his broad waist.

“No.” Comes his breathless reply as he struggles to control his tears. “I just want to go to bed.”

Jane bites her lip but nods anyway. 

“Ok. If you need me, call me.”

“I won’t.” 

 

.

 

Laufey knows who it is before he even opens the door. He does not anticipate, however, Loki’s wrecked state. His hair is sweaty and clumped together and his cheeks are flushed with a faint sheen of sweat causing his face to glisten. There are unshed tears threatening to fall from his emerald eyes and no matter how much Laufey wants to, he cannot just close the door in his youngest son’s face. He steps aside as Loki enters the room, breathless and desperately trying to control his tears.

“Your brothers are out.” Laufey mutters as he leads them toward the kitchen.

Loki reaches out to touch his father’s hand and looks up at him with wide, teary eyes.

“I’ve made a terrible mistake.” He gasps.

Laufey shoots him a disgusted look and shakes his hand away.

“Tell me something new, Loki. Why must you always repeat yourself? Do you learn nothing from your past?” he challenges.

“I think I’ve fallen in love, Father.” Loki whispers.

Laufey glances at his son and purses his lips.

“Do you even know what love is, Loki? Do you understand what it is like to want to care for someone besides yourself?”

And Loki wishes that Laufey would try and remember Loki before he became a prostitute. He wants Laufey to think back on the summers they had spent in Cornwall, running through the fields with abandon, the crisp English air whipping against their faces as they went. Helblindi and Byleistr tearing off ahead as Loki panted after them, desperate to keep up. He wishes his father would recall the way he would hold him before tucking him into bed, the way Loki would lie in his arms, a bright, wicked smile on his face as Laufey told him that he was his favourite. 

“I know what it feels like to be loved. You used to love me.” He says quietly. “What changed?”

Laufey barks a laugh, a harsh, cruel sound. 

“You.” Laufey answers almost sadly. “One day you were my beautiful, smart, talented boy and the next you were getting on your knees for any man that would spare you a glance.”

Loki blinks at him slowly and bites his bottom lip, trying to hold in his tears.

“Because you abandoned me! You went away for weeks on end for that stupid business of yours and-”

“That ‘stupid’ business is what keeps a roof over your head and you in all your expensive designer clothes! It is what pays for your ballet classes with that ridiculous Stark!” Laufey explodes. “How do you think I feel having to support my 23 year old son?”

Loki swallows loudly and shakes his head.

“Not for much longer.” He promises eagerly. “This is my big break; I know it is.”

Laufey shakes his head and begins to butter two slices of bread for Loki. He continues on in silence as he makes his son hot, milky tea. He places two cookies on the plate like he used to when Loki was a child. He carries the food over to the small, wooden table where Loki was sitting. He pushes the goods towards him and waits for Loki to start eating.

“Tell me about this boy.” Laufey finally sighs. “The one you think you love.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your very patient wait! This is not the last chapter because inspiration and editing has struck again so, two or three more would be my guess! hope thats ok and hope you all enjoy! <3 comments and kudos, as always, are welcomed warmly.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tony finally demands as Loki makes yet another simple error, causing the whole of the troupe to fall out of step.

Loki stops spinning and doesn’t even bother to glare at Tony. He watches the older man with tired, weary eyes and shrugs in a defeated manner. Jane elbows him playfully and grins at him, determined to lighten the mood.

“Come on. Buck up, baby.” She teases.

Loki ignores her. He doesn’t feel like himself anymore. He feels like he is full of something but he doesn’t know what. His body feels too small, too tight and not his own. He has lost all his precision, all the skills that he has worked so hard for. He feels like a bumbling fool and he hates it.

“I don’t feel well.” Loki mutters, pulling away from Jane and her warmth.

He looks at Tony with pleading eyes and clutches at his stomach pathetically.

“I think it’s the shellfish we had earlier.” He con tinues.

Tony raises an eyebrow and folds his arms across his chest.

“You know that it’s Monday, right? And that the show is opening on Friday. We have four days to perfect this and you’re going to chance your arm and tell me that you’re sick?” Tony snorts.

Loki flushes pink despite himself and raises his chin defiantly.

“I am not chancing anything, I genuinely-”

“You know what? Fine. Go sit in the dressing room until you feel better. And whilst you’re there, tell Steve to come out here. He knows all your routine anyway.” Tony says dismissively.

Loki stills and frowns at him unsurely.

“Why does it matter that Steve knows my routine?” he demands.

Tony grins at him wolfishly.

“Well, I mean, Jane’s gotta practice with somebody? And if it’s food poisoning then you could be sick for a few days buddy. We need to get Steve dancing asap.”

Loki bites down on his lip angrily and glares at Tony before marching across the stage. He stomps down the corridor and pushes the dressing room door open, growling at Steve.

“Tony wants you to rehearse with Jane.”

Steves eyes light up and he jumps from his seat, a wide smile spreading across his face.

“Jesus! Really? What? Why? I mean-”

Loki shoves him in the chest, causing Steve to fall silent and watches him with hard, angry eyes.

“I don’t feel well, you foolish fuck. Do you really think that you are good enough to take my place?” he snarls, his face inches from Steve’s. “You’re worthless now and you always have been.”

Steve averts his gaze and pushes at Loki weakly, completely deflated.

“Just let me go.” He says softly.

“You always let your insecurities get the better of you, Loki.” Tony calls from the doorway. “Get off him.”

Loki steps back from Steve and lets the blonde man scarper out of the room. Loki turns and is surprised to see that Tony looks concerned.

“What is up with you today? You’re dancing is off, you’ve been barking at Jane all morning and now you’re trying to intimidate Steve? What the fuck, kiddo?”

Loki swallows hard and shakes his head.

“I’m tired.”

“Bullshit.” Tony spits.

Loki sighs and steps back into the wall behind him, choosing his words carefully.

“I spent the day with Father yesterday.” He breathes slowly.

Tony’s eyes widen and he nods knowingly.

“Ok. Permission to be an emotional little shit is definitely granted.” He exhales.

Loki quirks a small smile and shakes his head.

“He was lovely. We had tea and we talked for hours and he let me sleep in my old bedroom and-”

“And that doesn’t excuse everything else that asshole has put you through. One nice deed doesn’t make him father of the fucking year.” Tony interjects.

Loki flashes him a dangerous look.

“Neither does it mean that he’s over all that shit that fucked you guys up in the first place.” Tony continues.

“Maybe it means that he wants to try?” Loki offers hopefully.

Tony twists his lips before nodding.

“Maybe. I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. He is still the same man that banned you from attending all family events, including your brothers wedding so… I wouldn’t be so quick to forgive if I were you.”

Loki’s eyes narrow.

“No. But you are very quick to judge. You don’t even know him.” He snaps.

Tony holds his hands up and shrugs his shoulders.

“I know what you’ve told me, which is more than enough. What pushed you into his fucking scaly arms anyway?” he challenges.

Loki shrugs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Nothing.” He lies.

Tony raises both his eyebrows.

“Must have been something fucking major, Loki.”

Loki bites his lips and for one small moment he considers telling Tony everything. But he has no guarantee that it will stay between them and technically, technically it would mean admitting to Tony that he cheated on him. Even though they weren’t really a couple, at least not in Loki’s eyes. He was pretty sure that Tony slept with that Potts woman on a regular basis. But still. He always said that Loki was his.

“Loki?”

“I missed him that’s all.”

 

.

 

“You look as though someone skinned and ate your first born in front of you.” Sif sighs with an unimpressed look.

Thor grumbles under his breath and Fandral nods knowingly.

“Ah. That dreaded ballerino.” He declares dramatically.

Sif smiles at him almost fondly before shaking her head unhappily.

“Why is it that you always allow your heart to get in the way of things?” she demands.

Fandral laughs beside her and shakes his head in amusement.

“You are such an unsentimental woman.” He chuckles.

Sif rolls her eyes and suppresses her small smile. She turns her attention back to Thor and places her small, neat hand over his.

“Why does the ballerino have you upset?” she asks softly.

Thor sighs and shakes his head, the loose tendrils of his golden locks falling over his flushed face.

“It matters not.” He grumbles.

Fandral snorts and swipes at Thor’s foot with his own.

“Stop with the nonsense and tell us what is bothering you.” He orders.

Thor twists his lips unhappily before looking between his friends guiltily.

“I fear that I have not been completely honest with you both.”

Sif snorts.

“Yes well, we had assumed as much.”

Thor flashes her a quick, apologetic look before continuing.

“I have been sleeping with Loki. And before you say it, Sif, it is not about the sex. Everything with Loki is so much more.” He sighs. “I brought him to Mother and Father’s house, to introduce them and Mother recognised him. She had words with him and now he refuses to speak to me. He doesn’t answer any of my texts and he diverts all my calls.”

Fandral exhales slowly as Sif raises one disapproving eyebrow.

“I told you he was trouble.” She sighs.

Fandral waves her comment aside dismissively and looks at Thor concernedly.

“Does Jane know?” he asks.

Thor shakes his head miserably.

“No, she does not. I didn’t have the heart to tell her.” He mutters.

Fandral casts Sif a look: go easy, he silently wills her. She rolls her eyes and reaches across to pat the back of Thor’s hand sympathetically.

“I think you were a fool to bring him there of all places. But I also think that you are a brave man. Foolish nut brave.” She decides.

“How am I brave?” Thor asks, clearly surprised.

Sif smiles at him softly.

“Because taking on someone with Loki’s past cannot be easy and because I know that you wouldn’t hurt that stupid woman unless you really fell fro someone else.” She says sadly. “And you’re a fool for bringing Loki to your parent’s house ; your mother is a judgmental bitch.”

Thor blinks at her owlishly before nodding, a surprised look on his face.

“That is true; I truly care for him.”

“Maybe you love him?” Fandral offers quietly. “If you love him and you know that it is not the same love for Jane, that it is better, stronger, then I say go for it, my friend.”

Sid nods in agreement.

“But don’t dick Jane around. Be honest.” She adds.

Thor nods and rises from his feet.

“I am going to seize the moment!” he declares dramatically.

Sid nods and smiles at him sweetly.

“Right after you have a shower, big guy, cause you stink.”

 

.

 

“That was awful.” Loki sighs as he walks out of the theatre with Jane by his side.

She nods.

“The worst, ever.” She decides, shaking her head.

They were exhausted. Loki had miraculously recovered from his food poisoning not an hour after he had feigned the illness. From there on, he had thrown himself completely into the performance. He was better than earlier, when he focussed completely and utterly on the task at hand, but when his mind wandered, it wandered far and his dancing was awful. Jane had been patient with him, much more patient than Loki would have been with her and for that he was extremely grateful.

“Let me buy you dinner.” He says with a smile, bumping hips with the smaller woman. “To thank you for all your help.”

Jane beams up at him, her hazel eyes shining brightly.

“Wow.” She breathes. “You really do have a heart.”

Loki laughs and swats at her, forgetting for the smallest of moments that Thor always collects Jane and that tonight was no different. He realized much too late that they had left the alley and were standing right before Thor, who, Loki decided, looked as bad as he felt.

His heart seems to slow for a moment and time stops as their eyes meet. Their pull is there, the magnetic force that is just so distinctly them. Loki is on auto-pilot as he follows Jane to where Thor stands and all background noises seem to become mute. All he can hear is the thudding of his own heart in his ears as Jane wraps her arms around Thor to place a small kiss on his cheek.

“Loki says he’s buying me dinner tonight.” Jane declares happily, bringing Loki back to earth.

Thor flashes him a questioning look over her shoulder. Loki does not respond, he just watches the larger man coolly.

“You could always come?” Jane offers, smiling over her shoulder at Loki quickly. “I’m sure Loki doesn’t mind.”

“I do.” Loki says before Thor can open his mouth. “I’d rather if it were just the two of us.”

Jane looks at him in surprise whilst Thor just rolls his eyes at Loki’s snarkiness.

“Well, I mean. Um.” Jane starts, obviously at a loss at what to say.

Thor just pushes her out of the embrace gently, a focussed look on his face.

“I think the three of us should go out for dinner and talk.” He declares.

Loki raises an eyebrow.

“What could the three of us possibly have to talk about?” he challenges.

“Nothing.” Tony’s voice interrupts, stepping forward and draping an arm around Loki’s shoulders. “Nothing at all because I’m afraid I’m going to have to steal Loki from you guys for tonight.”

Thor frowns and looks between Loki and Tony uncertainly. Jane smiles and winks at Loki teasingly.

“Ok. We’ll leave you guys to it so.” Jane giggles, linking arms with Thor.

Tony squeezes Loki’s shoulders tightly and forces him to start walking, his grip never loosening or relaxing as they made their way up the street.

“What-”

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Tony hisses, his brown eyes narrowed furiously. “Fucking your dance partners boyfriend? Are you retarded?”

Loki turns his head and looks at Tony in surprise. Tony snorts when he sees his expression.

“You two are as subtle as a freight train. Those fucking moon eyes he was making at you? Pathetic.” He snarls.

Tony stops when they reach his car and he finally releases Loki from his grip. He looks at him sadly, his brown eyes barely concealing the hurt he clearly feels.

“Tony-” Loki starts but the older man holds up a hand to silence him.

“Just text him and tell him to keep his mouth shut until after the show.” He demands.

Loki steps forward and goes to touch him but Tony bats his hand away angrily.

“Don’t, Loki. Just fucking don’t.”

 

.

 

Thor practically jumps when his phone rings and he sees who it is. Jane is snuggled beside him, full and contented from her take-away, drowsy from her rehearsal. He doesn’t want to disturb her but neither does he want to miss Loki’s call.

“I must take this.” He mutters as he pushes himself up from the sofa.

Jane makes a whining noise but doesn’t complain. Thor makes his way to the kitchen and answers the phone, closing the door behind him.

“Loki.” He breathes.

“Did you tell her?” Comes his sharp greeting.

“No.” Thor mutters. “I lost my nerve.”

He hears Loki’s sigh and he doesn’t know if it is one of relief or of disappointment.

“Don’t tell her.” Loki demands.

Thor frowns and feels his mouth go dry.

“Until after the show?” he asks.

“Ever. Not if the only reason you’re confessing is so that we can be together.” Loki says softly. “Because we can’t.”

Thor feels as if his world has come crashing about around him. He frowns deeply and struggles to keep his voice level.

“And why not? Is this because of that guy earlier?” he growls.

His anger doubles when he hears Loki’s small chuckle on the other end of the line.

“Please, Thor, are you jealous?” he teases nastily and Thor can feel himself getting ready to explode.

“I am not jealous, Loki.” He barks.

“What then?” Loki asks in a sing-song voice. “Is it because I never told you that I’ve been fucking someone else? Is it because another man warms my bed at night? That you can’t bare the idea of another man’s cock in my mouth, heavy on my tongue-”

“Enough!” Thor snaps, clutching his phone so hard that he fears it may crack. 

Loki sighs loudly down the phone.

“I told you that I tricked you, Thor. Just as you tricked me.”

Thor frowns, terribly angry and desperately confused.

“How did I trick you?” he growls.

“You told me that you weren’t dull and then it turns out that you are.” Loki whispers. “My dance partners boyfriend; that is all you are to me.”

Thor hangs up. 

He hangs up and throws his phone against the wall and knocks the dishes from their stand, his anger getting the better of him. He lets out one, short roar and throws the kitchen door open, startling Jane terribly. 

“Jesus, Thor-”

“I’m going out; don’t wait up.”

 

.

 

Loki knows who it is as soon as he hears the furious knocking on his door. He gives himself a moment to gain some composure before throwing open his apartment door and letting a thunderous Thor inside. Thor charges in and slams the door behind him, crowding Loki as soon as he can, his fists clench as he somehow manages to tower over the smaller man.

“Can I help you?” Loki asks calmly.

Thor splutters indignantly before crashing his mouth against Loki’s hungrily, his hands clawing at Loki’s waist hungrily. The kiss is hot, messy and desperate and Loki finds that he is breathless in matter of seconds. He clings on to Thor uselessly as the man attacks his mouth. When he is finally done, he pushes Loki against the wall and stares down at him, his blue eyes burning with something intoxicating.

“I love you, Loki. I don’t care if you have been with that other man behind my back as long as it ends tonight. Tonight we start anew and afresh. You are the one that I want, the one I have always wanted.” He declares passionately and Loki needs a moment to close his eyes and take it all in.

He knew that his phone call would bring Thor over without him having to lower himself to asking. He also knew that it would reveal Thor’s true feeling for him, would allow him to gauge exactly how deeply or strongly the man felt for him. He just hadn’t expected such an explosive response. Neither had he expected himself to care so damn much.

He thinks Thor is the reason his dancing is off. He thinks that Thor is his missing limb, the limb that changes the way he lives, breathes, moves even.

And he knows. At least he hopes he knows. 

“Ok.” Loki breathes, slowly opening his eyes. “I think I love you too.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was so weak that I decided to give you guys this little interlude. Chapter 12 was supposed to be much longer but I decided to take a part of it to give you guys to say sorry for how bad chapter 11 was. Read and enjoy my darlings. <3

“He’s fucking someone else.” Tony spits as Pepper hands him a glass of wine.

Expensive wine saved for occasions specifically such as this.

“That’s good, right?” Pepper sighs as she curls up into the armchair, settling herself in for the night.

Tony eyes her as if she has lost her mind.

“You’re joking, right? I really thought that after this show he would see it, see how much I care for him, how I want to be with him and love him and-”

“Tony.” Pepper interrupts quietly. “That was always a fantasy, something that was never really going to happen.”

Tony flashes a look at her and frowns angrily.

“Why? Because I’m too old? Because I don’t look like Mr Blonde-Tanned-Bodybuilder?” he snarls.

Pepper looks at him as though he is stupid.

“Maybe it’s because you used to pay him for sex? Because you remind him of those dark days where he had to let men fuck him for money?” Pepper snaps. “Have you ever spared a thought for-”

“I’m the one who got him out of there!” Tony hisses. “I’m the one who opened my ballet studio doors to him and-”

“And made him fuck you in repayment. Despite the fact that he told you countless times that he didn’t actually find you physically attractive.” Pepper sighs. “Face it, Tony; he’s better off with someone else. If he can free himself of your invisible chains then maybe he can finally move on.”

Tony wants to throw his wine glass at her. He knows on some subconscious level that Pepper is right and he also knows that he has been the one holding Loki back all this time but still. It hurts to hear the words coming from somewhere that is not in the darkest corner of his mind.

Because he loves Loki. He really, truly does.

 

.

 

“What is it?” Loki had asked as Tony handed Loki a small bag.

“A gift.” Tony had said with a smile. “For you.”

“But why?”

Tony beamed.

“Because I love you.”

And nineteen year-old Loki has frowned at him, shaking his head and handing back the gift, his lips twisted unhappily.

“I cant accept this.”

“You can. I insist.”

“Tony.” Loki warned. “I don’t want your gifts. Or your love.”

“But why?” Tony had exclaimed.

“Because I despise you.”

 

.

 

Jane paces up and down her small living room as Darcy watches her with wide, anxious eyes.

“And then he just snapped at me and told me not to wait up.” She sighs, running a hand through her hair frantically.

“Did you see who the call was from?” Darcy asks.

Jane shakes her head.

“I was almost certain that it was Sif until I heard him say something like ‘I’m not jealous, Loki’ or-”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Darcy interrupts, holding up a hand to silence Jane. “Loki? As in my sexy, future husband?”

Jane allows herself a small smile.

“Yeah.”

Darcy wrinkles her nose and frowns deeply.

“I didn’t think those two would be so close- wait! Ohmygod.” Darcy exclaims, her eyes wide as she looks up at Jane. “Maybe Thor is fucking Sif but Sif chose Loki over Thor and now the two of them are going to go battle it out?” 

Jane laughs despite herself and shakes her head at Darcy.

“No. Loki is most definitely gay and taken.”

Darcy reels back in horror, clamping a hand over her mouth in shock.

“Are you serious?” She cries. “Are you fucking serious?”

Jane laughs again and throws herself onto the sofa beside her best friend.

“I didn’t think Thor would ever make me feel like this.” She sighs. “I’ve always been so strong and independent and I’ve always told myself not to let Thor become my everything.”

“But he has?” Darcy asks.

Jane nods.

“Have you ever met someone who just seems to complete you? He gave me the confidence to dance and he taught me how to perform. He just seems like the perfect guy and-”

“He was never the perfect guy, Jane. He’s got issues and baggage just like everyone else.” Darcy says soothingly, rubbing circles around her friends back. “Don’t put the poor guy on a pedestal. And stop acting like this is the end. Maybe he’s just fighting with Loki because he’s a handsome little shit?”

Jane shrugs.

“Maybe.” She says uneasily, obviously not believing it.

Because deep down she has seen the signs, deep down in a place she doesn’t like to visit often she knows that Thor has been ensnared by Loki’s charm, wit and beauty. She knows because no matter how hard she tries to joke about it, she can never forget the way Thor spoke to Loki about the headlights of cars flashing by.

Nor the sound of Thor pressing a kiss to Loki’s cheek which Jane had witnessed through half opened, tired eyes.

“He would never intentionally hurt you.” Darcy decides.

“I know.”

 

.

 

Long, smooth, pale legs wrap their way around strong, hard, tanned hips. The contrast in the two tones is almost like bronze against marble. Large hands run the length of the pale chest panting and heaving below them. A broad back leans down and mouth meet in a fierce clash of tongue and teeth. 

“I love you.” Thor growls as he begins to move with Loki.

Loki’s response is a breathless moan as he wraps his arms around Thor’s shoulders. His eyes are closed and he head is tilted back as he loses himself in the moment. The room is hot and heavy with their arousal and Loki never knew that sex like this was possible. He never realized that he could feel so full and complete.

“You are all that I want, all that I need.” Thor gasps as their skin slaps together gently.

Loki opens his eyes and sees that Thor is watching him, his pupils blown, his lips wet and red and swollen. Loki has never seen anything like it.

“My life, my life until I met you-” 

Thor falls silent when Loki presses a gentle finger to his lips, a small smile on his face.

“Fuck me now.” He demands. “Talk later.”

 

.

 

Thor can remember falling in love with Balder. 

He was a child, no more than ten or twelve and he was infatuated with his brother. Balder was big and blonde and bronzed and everything that Thor wanted to be. 

He can remember thinking that every person he will ever love must emulate Balder. 

And for a while they had; every person that Thor dated or slept with was blonde, blue-eyed and tanned. 

The Nazi ideal. 

But as Thor looks at Loki, curled up in his arms, a small smile on his pink lips, his green eyes sparkling and his black hair pushed back from his face, Thor believes that he really has found true beauty.

“You are perfect.” He whispers.

Loki laughs and presses a warm kiss to his mouth.

“I think that you shall find that I am most ridiculously flawed.”

"Never."

 

.

 

“Have you seen Thor?”

Loki spins around and looks at Jane in surprise. 

“What are you doing in my dressing room?” he demands as he pulls up his leggings.

Jane folds her arms across her chest and looks at Loki with cold, hard eyes.

“Answer my question.”

Loki rolls his eyes and tries to ignore the frantic beating of his heart.

“Why would I have seen your oaf?” he snarls.

Jane makes a scoffing sound and steps closer to Loki, a determined look on her face.

“Promise me you wouldn’t lie to me. Promise you wouldn’t deliberately try to hurt me.” She orders.

Loki’s mouth feels dry as he licks his lips. He pulls on his white tank top and watches Jane carefully, his gaze calm and cool.

“I promise you that I would never try to hurt you.” He says slowly. 

Jane looks him up and down once before sighing, her shoulders slumping as she looks up at Loki helplessly.

“Thor has been acting so strange lately and last night he stormed out of the house and hasn’t come home since.” She practically sobs.

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Loki says stiffly.

He knows he is because Loki left Thor not half an hour and the big, blonde man was snuggled inside his duvet, a lazy and contented smile on his face as Loki kissed him goodbye.

Jane shakes her head and ties her hair back shakily, kicking off her boots as she prepares herself for the days rehearsal before them.

“I’m a mess, Loki. I really am.” She sighs.

Loki ties back his own hair and smiles at Jane grimly.

“He is only a man. There are plenty of others.”

Jane laughs as she pulls on her leggings, flashing Loki a quick smile as she does so.

“We both know that’s not true. Thor is one of a kind.”

“As are you.” Loki says softly. “You are a strong, talented, brave woman and you do not need Thor or any other man to make your life complete. If Thor treats you badly, do not wallow. Get even or get rid of him. People waste too much time in relationships that are doomed to fail from the beginning.” 

Jane looks at him for a moment before tilting her head to the side.

“I get the feeling that this probably has more to do with you and Tony than me and Thor.”

Loki chews on his bottom lip before shrugging.

“I was trapped, Jane. He found me when I was weak and vulnerable and he exploited me. I just don’t want you to be in the same position when it comes to you and Thor.”

Jane laughs humourlessly and shakes her head.

“It’s a bit late for that.” She chuckles.

Loki looks at her sharply.

“What do you mean?”

Jane’s hazel eyes water slightly as she shrugs distractedly.

“I’m pregnant.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's more! Hope you guys enjoy!

Loki learned from a very young age how to control his facial features, how to force his emotions to only show what he wanted to show. 

Each time his father would announce that he couldn’t make it to yet another one of Loki’s dance recitals, he would force himself to smile pleasantly and nod, accepting the fact that his father was a very busy business man and was constantly in demand.

Every time yet another nameless, faceless man would finish deep inside Loki, he would force himself to moan breathlessly and bat his eyelids as though he had just received the most magical of gifts. 

He knew how to stay in control. Being in control was something he was good at.

Not this time.

He stares at Jane, the horror and shock evident on his face as Jane blinks at him tearfully.

“I don’t know how to tell him.” She sobs.

Loki just continues to blink at her, his grasp of the English language completely escaping him. He swallows audibly and takes a step back, his stomach churning as he realizes exactly what this means for him.

Shunted to the side, once again.

“Oh.” 

Jane bites her lip and looks at Loki anxiously.

“Are you ok? This isn’t going to affect the performance or anything; I just needed to tell someone-”

“Don’t.” Loki snaps suddenly. “Don’t tell me these things, Jane. I am not one of your girlfriends; I care not for your chatter or gossip. Congratulations! You’re pregnant with a man’s child who probably doesn’t even love you anymore and now you’re going to be stuck in a loveless marriage whilst you curse the child who ruined your dancing career. And he’ll run about and fuck around behind your back and-”

Loki stops and forces himself to breathe. Jane is looking up at him with a horrified expression on her face. 

“I have to go.” Loki exhales, pushing past Jane and exiting the room.

 

Loki steps out of the room and begins to run. He runs through the dimly lit corridor and across the stage where rehearsals were happening. He ignores Tony’s shouts and pushes his way through the troupe, something dark and bitter clawing at his throat as he races out the side door. He stumbles down the steps and practically collapses against the wall outside the studio.

“Loki?”

Loki leans his forehead against the rough wall and shakes his head slowly.

“Don’t Tony.” He croaks and he can feel the tears that want to fall.

“You have five minutes to get your shit together and comeback in and dance. Any longer and Steve will be replacing you.” Tony says simply, his arms folded across his chest.

“Fuck you.” Loki spits, turning to glare at him over his shoulder. “Fuck you and fuck your show.”

Tony raises an eyebrow coolly before clucking his tongue against his teeth.

“Five minutes, Loki.”

 

.

 

Loki can still remember the first time he was blamed for the break-down of an already failing marriage. He had had a very loyal client, a regular that he would see at least two or three times a week. He was an average, middle-aged man with a wife and two young children, whom he spoke about constantly. Loki didn’t really mind; he liked the fact that he made conversation. It helped him feel a little less like he was being used for sex and sex only. His name was Bruce and Loki liked him. 

Bruce liked him too, perhaps a bit more than Loki would have liked. He began to talk about leaving his wife for him, he insisted that he wanted to help Loki and love him like he deserved. Loki had panicked and began to refuse his bookings. Bruce’s heart had been broken. He had begged Loki to reconsider bit Loki knew that they needed a clean break.

But Bruce told his wife and left his family. 

Loki will never forget the look on her small, pale face when she finally laid eyes on Loki. It had made his stomach twist and turn horribly.

The look on Jane’s face tells Loki that she knows.

Her beautiful face is white and pinched, her lips crushed together tightly as she watches him make his way back into rehearsals. Loki chokes down a groan and walks towards her as naturally as he can.

“I needed air.” He mutters. 

Jane doesn’t reply. She just watches him with watery, hazel eyes and swallows audibly. Tony glances between them but doesn’t comment.

“Take it from the top.” He orders. 

Loki nods and steps into first position, waiting for Jane to step into his embrace. She does so stiffly, her back straight and her eyes never leaving his.

“You’re dirt.” She hisses through gritted teeth. “You are a spineless coward and I hope he makes you as miserable as he made me.”

Loki steps back for a moment, a look of shock on his face but Jane grabs him roughly and places his hands on her hips.

“You dance with me and you do it properly and when all of this is over I never want to see you again, understand?”

Loki nods quickly.

He understood perfectly.

 

.

 

Jane met Thor on a cold winter’s night at some stupid high-school party. She had been pretty drunk and he had been tall and handsome and everything that any teenage girl could have wanted in a boyfriend.

“Go for it.” Darcy had ordered, a wicked glint in her eyes.

So. Jane had thrown herself at him, the drunken mess that she was, Thor had very sweetly rebuffed her attempts at a kiss but stayed by her side for the rest of the night, his easy chat and good humour making him seem even more irresistible.

“I am going to have your babies.” She had slurred.

And Thor had laughed, pressing a soft kiss against the corner of her mouth and smiling down at her, openly and warmly.

“Worse things could happen.” He teased and that’s when Jane knew that she had fallen in love.

Even now as she watches Thor drive and listens to him ramble on as if everything is fine, as if he wasn’t fucking her dance partner, Jane knows that she loves him. She knows that she will always love him, no matter what he says or does. But she doesn’t think she can forgive him, not if what she thinks has happened, happened. 

Every time she allows her mind to wander she sees the two of them in the car, Thor leaned over the front seat, one hand on the door handle and the other on Loki’s chest, their faces close, Thor’s eyes twinkling as he smiles at Loki.

Smiling the smile he usually reserves for her.

“Are you nervous?” Thor asks, flashing a grin her way.

“Hm?” Jane mutters distractedly.

“For the show. You’re terribly quiet.” Thor chuckles.

“I’m just thinking.”

About him.

About them.

About their baby.

“I’d never hurt you, you know.” She says softly. “I’d never do anything that could ruin what we have.”

Thor nods and smiles at her uncertainly.

“I know. I’d never intentionally try to hurt you either.”

“But unintentionally you would?” Jane challenges.

Thor shrugs, turning his attention back to the cars flashing by them in rows.

“We can’t control every aspect of our lives, Jane. Things -life- happens.”

 

.

 

Loki thinks that it’s probably his own fault that Jane is pregnant. It was karma; getting him back for all the bad deeds that are hidden in his past.

“I’m a bad person.” Loki whispers against Thor’s chest.

Thor frowns and looks down at him sleepily.

“And how have you drawn this conclusion?” 

Loki shrugs. He wants to tell Thor that Jane is pregnant. He wants him to suddenly understand how hard it is to lie in his arms whilst his girlfriend is carrying his child. 

Mostly he just wants to cry.

“Loki?” Thor persists.

Loki sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Jane is my dance-partner and-”

“Let’s not talk about Jane.” Thor urges. 

Again, he adds silently.

Loki wriggles about in his arms, pushing himself up so that he can glare at Thor.

“You know, we only ever talk about what you want to talk about.” He snaps. “I want to talk about the guilt that is actually crushing me and you just tell me to shut up?”

Thor groans loudly and rubs his eyes blearily.

“Loki. I’ve told you; I am telling her after the show on Friday. Then everything will be out in the open and your crushing guilt shall be lifted.” 

Loki snorts and rolls out of the bed, picking up his clothes as he does so. He hears Thor’s impatient huff as he jumps out of the other side of the bed. 

“Things aren’t just going to magically turn out to be okay.” Loki sniffs as he steps into his trousers. “Jane isn’t just going to be fine with everything because you waited until after the show.”

“Loki.” Thor warns, shooting the slighter man a filthy look over his shoulder.

“She’s going to be just as angry, just as upset, just as fucking betrayed and-”

“Loki!” Thor roars, spinning around to tower over him. “I know this! I know all of this! But I love you and I want to be with you so let me handle my break-up my way, alright?”

“I’m not sure you’ll want to break up with her once you talk to her.” Loki spills before he even understands what his mouth is doing.

He wishes he could take the words back when Thor begins to frown at him in confusion, a perplexed look on his face.

“What do you mean?” he demands angrily. 

Loki clamps a hand over his mouth and looks up at Thor fearfully, swallowing hard as he does so.

“Loki!” Thor growls.

“She’s pregnant.” He whispers.

 

.

 

Thor drives home in a daze, not really paying attention to anything or anyone. He opens the front door and steps inside to see Jane waiting for him, her hands folded on her lap as she watches him approach her.

“We need to talk.” He croaks, his voice gravelly and uneven.

Jane nods.

“I’m pregnant.” She whispers.

“I don’t love you.” Thor sighs.

“I know.” They both say.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Gimme feedback! What are we thinking? Are we liking? Are we hating? Is it boring? Let me know! <3

Thor will never forget the day they found Balder. 

He had been no more than nineteen. 

He had been nineteen and happy. People always spoke of the Odinson’s, how happy they always were, how they were the perfect family and the most perfect children. Thor had believed for a long time that they were perfect, that they were flawless, the family ideal. That they had no secrets or problems and that they were quite simply blessed. Thor and Balder had always been good-looking and popular and funny and kind. Their mother had always been beautiful and admired and their father always generous and handsome in his own sweet way. 

Thor had been so happy.

But then they had found Balder, face down in a pool of his own stomach acid and bile and they had called to the house, watching them all with distrust as though they too were heroin addicts. 

They had asked so many probing, hurtful questions.

Why?

How didn’t you notice?

Why didn’t you realize?

How could have you all have been so readily deceived?

Weren’t there any signs?

Did any of you even care?

Thor remembers bawling in the living room whilst the police interviewed them.

Hookers and heroin.

Heroin and hookers.

His father never said a word, he had just stared at their mother whilst she cried, her mascara turning her tears black and Thor knows that he hated in her in that moment. He knows that he had the urge to strangle her as she sobbed, both policemen sitting on either side of her as they consoled her. 

He has no doubt that she had known because Frigga knows everything and sees everything and she never sought Balder the help he needed because she was ashamed. She was so afraid of what the neighbours would think that she didn’t draw any attention to her sons addiction.

“He was my best friend.” Thor had croaked when the policemen asked Thor if they were close. “My only real friend.”

That truth had scared him. All through his adolescence he had been surrounded by people that talked to him and shared with him and laughed with him. But Balder was the only one who really understood him; who knew who he was.

“And you never noticed his addiction?” They had pushed.

They pushed and pushed until Odin had jumped to his feet and roared at them to leave. Frigga had gasped, a scandalized look on her face and Thor burst into a fresh set of tears, burying his face in his hands and trying not to listen as Odin told Frigga over and over and over that it was her fault Balder was dead and that he would never, ever be able to forgive her.

That is why Thor cries the way he does when Jane looks at him with impossibly sad eyes, her hands resting on her stomach and says that she will never, ever be able to forgive him.

“And neither will our child.”

 

.

 

Loki lies in his bed and wonders, not for the first time, where had the time gone. He doesn’t remember ever feeling this old or tired or sad. 

And he is sad, terribly so. Because he’s alone and he’s never really noticed it until now. He thinks that there is poison in his veins, something dark, foul and bitter that twists and churns inside him until it forces everyone away.

Because he’s lost Thor; he knows that. Thor is a good man, a loving, warm-hearted, kind man and he would never abandon Jane and his child. 

In a way, Loki respects him for that.

He thinks that he may resent him more, though.

He’s lost Tony. After years and years of pushing Tony away he has finally freed himself of in suffocating, intoxicating presence and Loki has never felt more alone.

Jane. Jane was his first friend. The first person who actually spoke to him about things that didn’t involve ballet or dancing or music. Jane actually cared about him but he fucked that up too.

Loki cries into his pillow and wonders why things have to always be so goddamn hard. He wants to know why things never turn out the way he wants them to, needs them to even. 

“This needs to stop.” Loki whispers into the dark emptiness crushing him. “There has to be light at the end of this horrible tunnel.”

Because if there’s not, Loki doesn’t know how much more of it he can take.

 

.

 

They talk for hours. They talk until their throats are dry and sore and then they cry until they have no more tears left to shed. 

Jane wishes things could have turned out differently.

She wishes that Thor hadn’t hurt her in such a way. 

She wishes that he loved her the way she loves him.

“I love you.” He croaks. “I’m just not in love with you.”

“But you’re in love with him.”

It’s not a question. It is a statement, a fact. Because Jane can see it in his eyes and almost smells it from his tears. He is mourning Loki more than he is mourning the messy end of their relationship.

“It doesn’t have to be the end. For you two.” She says softly. “I wouldn’t ask you to give up something you love.”

She is surprised when he catches her lips between his and kisses her hungrily. But she kisses him back because its fucking Thor and she has never known when enough is enough when it comes to him. 

The kiss is so desperate it is almost painful and she can feel their tears mingling together when he presses her into the back of the sofa. When he pulls away, his blue eyes are sparkling with something Jane does not recognise and he brushes the hair from her face, a small smile on his lips.

“You always were the selfless one.” He chuckles.

“You were never selfish. Just true to your heart.” She says sadly.

And he looks like he wants to cry again but Jane wipes his tears away with her thumbs and places a chaste kiss to his lips.

“We can still raise her together.” She promises. “I would never deny you your child.”

“What about Loki?” He asks quietly.

Jane smiles softly.

“I would never deny you him either. If Loki is who you want then I have no doubt that he’ll be a wonderful parent.”

Thor catches her eye and they both snort a little.

“I don’t think Loki, wonderful and parent shall ever be put in the same sentence. But I think he could learn.” Thor says with a snicker.

Jane smiles at him warmly and cups his cheeks in her hands, her hazel eyes watching his blue ones steadily.

“I love you, Thor.” She breathes.

He kisses her again and then pulls her close for a hug.

“And I love you, Jane. Always.”

 

.

 

Loki remembers when he first sold his body. 

Loki likes that phrase.

‘Selling your body.’

Because that’s exactly how it feels, how Loki feels. He thinks that after each nameless stranger he lost a piece of himself. He thinks that maybe all those times combined caused him to lose a limb.

He knows that Thor was that replacement limb. He knows that when he is with Thor, he feels complete. That first night when he had dinner at their house, he can remember the warmth that seemed to seep through him when he caught Thor staring at him as he danced on the sofa. It had been like a little jolt of electricity and for one, delicious moment he had felt alive again.

He hadn’t felt like that since he started sleeping with men for money. His first client had been his father’s business partner. Loki was sixteen. His name was Powell and he stayed over at their house on a regular basis. Loki had liked him. He had kind brown eyes and a warm smile. All through Loki’s childhood he had been at the house, working in his father’s office and drinking coffee. One night Laufey had gone away on a business trip and Powell stayed over to work in the office overnight. It wasn’t unusual; he had done it many times before. Helblindi and Byleistr had been at some party that Loki was too young to attend.

Loki can remember Powell coming into his room some time past midnight and can remember the heat of his body as he covered Loki with his own. At first Loki has been petrified but then Powell had kissed him and Loki felt as though everything was alright. They didn’t fuck. They exchanged sloppy handjobs and when it was all over Powell told him he was a sweet boy and handed him a one hundred dollar bill.

“Our secret, yeah?” he whispered as he placed a kiss to his forehead.

Loki had nodded slowly, unsure of what just happened. He had fallen back to sleep easily enough that night but soon an idea formed in his head, a dirty, dark idea that wouldn’t stop rooting itself and growing into every corner of his brain.

The next time Powell climbed into his bed a few months later Loki had looked him square in the eye, a determined expression on his face.

“Two hundred dollars and you can fuck me.” He had managed to say without letting a shake creep into his voice.

Powell had raised an eyebrow and offered Loki a small smile.

“You’re your father’s son at least, lovely Loki.”

And though it kills Loki to admit it now; he had never felt so proud by any other words ever uttered.

Loki thinks that’s why he blocks Thor’s number and begins to pack his bag. Because he knows what his father would do if he were placed in such a situation. His father would never allow himself to be pushed to the side, to be given second place. And neither would his father respect someone who would walk away from their unborn child or its mother.

So Loki packs up his belongings and takes a deep, deep breath. 

He’s done this all before and survived. It won’t kill him to do it again.

 

.

 

Thor slowly makes his way to his feet and smiles at Jane warmly, still holding her hand between his.

"We can do this." he says softly. "We will do this."

"The three of us." Jane says with a grin.

Thor chuckles and nods.

"Yes. Me, you and Loki. This is something we can do."

"I love you, Thor." Jane says as he lets her hand go.

"I love you, Jane." He promises as he makes his way to the door.

And he does love her. Because she is amazing and selfless and has shown him that he can love both her and Loki with all his heart. He just needs to love them in different ways. He closes the the front door behind him and fires off a quick text to Loki, letting him know that he'll be home soon. He thinks he'll buy pancakes and make Loki breakfast in bed.

After he makes love to him, of course. Because he does love him. He truly does.

 

.

 

Tony slowly opens the door of his apartment and blinks blearily when he sees Loki standing before him with a rucksack and a determined expression on his face.

“Do you love me?” he demands, pushing his way through the door.

“W-what? Loki, what the-”

“Answer me, Stark.” Loki snarls as he throws his bag down with a heavy thud.

Tony sighs and shakes his head slowly. 

“You know I do.” He whispers.

Loki hums. 

“Good. I think I could learn how to love you. If you show me how.” He says as he steps closer to Tony, his green eyes boring into his dark brown ones. “But you need to show me, Tony. I can’t do it alone.”


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the continuing support and comments! it means so much. The next few chapters have been inspired by James Arthur's cover of Wrecking Ball. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TvQmcUY4EQ 
> 
> So please listen, it can give a few hints as to what is to come. ;)

Loki has never kissed him like this before.

Tony’s skin feels hot and as if it’s too tight for his body. He feels like Loki is slowly ripping him apart from the inside and he supposes that in many ways he is. 

Because Loki doesn’t kiss like this; all power and strength and heat and passion. His hands never wandered Tony’s body like this. He’s never rubbed himself against him; desperate for release. 

Tony thinks that he is finally seeing Loki. He feels as if all his walls have come down around him and Tony doesn’t think he has ever been this happy. 

Or scared.

He breaks the kiss for the briefest of moments and watches Loki carefully.

“This is all you, right kid? You want this as much as I do?”

Loki smiles and doesn’t miss a beat, his pink, swollen lips glistening as he licks them with his sharp, pointy tongue.

“I believe that I need this more than you do.”

An unsettled feeling nestles itself into the pit of Tony’s stomach but he forces himself to smile back.

“Good.”

 

.

 

It doesn’t take Thor long to realize what has happened. It doesn’t take him too long to make his way to the nearest bar either.

He drinks until he can’t see or feel or speak and when he vomits across the smooth, marble counter, he begins to laugh hysterically and continues to do so until tears roll down his cheeks and he has no choice but to cover his face with his hands and begin to weep.

“Thor?”

He doesn’t need to lift his head to know that it is Darcy’s hand that is resting on his shoulder. She pulls at the back of his t-shirt and forces him to raise his head and look her in the eye. He looks back at her adamantly, a determined expression on his face.

“Don’t.” Is all he manages to slur.

Darcy just shakes her head at him, a pitying expression on her face.

“I didn’t think you’d let yourself get sucked in as well.” She mutters softly, dropping a kiss to his forehead.

Thor blinks at her blearily, struggling to make sense of her words. She smiles at him fondly before turning back to her friends who are watching them with strange expressions on their faces.

“Jane’s ex.” He hears her say to the group as they begin to walk away.

Thor feels a horrible tightness in his chest and turns back to the barman who is regarding him angrily, chewing on his bottom lip aggressively.

“No more alcohol.” He snaps before Thor can even open his mouth. “I remember your fucking drunk of a brother, I don’t want you pulling any of that shit here, you hear Odinsson?”

Thor just blinks, hot tears spilling down his pink, shiny cheeks. 

“Get out, you miserable piece of shit.” The barman sighs before turning his back and serving another customer.

“Need a ride?” A blonde haired man to his right says, a kind smile on his face.

Thor glances at him and tries to blink his face into focus. The man has a warm, open face and his blue, piercing eyes seem to almost shine with honesty.

“You’re Jane’s boyfriend, aren’t you? I’m Steve, I dance with her.” He explains as he makes his way to his feet.

“Do you dance with Loki?” Thor blurts out before he even realizes what he’s saying.

Steve laughs and nods.

“Yeah. I’m his understudy.” 

Thor smiles lopsidedly and leans closer to Steve.

“He’s a selfish fuck, isn’t he?” he whispers loudly.

Steve smiles patiently and shrugs.

“He’s a great dancer, though.”

Thor shrugs.

“I would not know. I have only ever seen him being a selfish fuck.” He practically spits.

Steve smiles kindly.

“The best ones are always the selfish ones, aren’t they?” he says with a laugh.

Thor shakes his head. 

“No. The best ones are the ones that know they are good but don’t force others to suffer or feel pain because of it.”

Steve’s smile lessens slightly.

“He’s hurt you before, hasn’t he? You know, I heard a rumour about-”

“Rumours are truths that have been smothered in lies.” Thor growls.

Steve blinks at him in surprise.

“You’re really quite articulate for a man who has drunk his body weight in spirits.”

Thor sighs and makes his way to his feet.

“It’s over. Anything Loki and I shared has been destroyed; he’s made sure of that. He’s gone back to that stupid Stark man.” 

Thor sways slightly and Steve extends his arm for him to lean on. 

“You know, Stark used to pay for him when he was a prostitute.” Thor says casually.

Steve’s eyes widen and he looks at Thor in shock.

“Loki used to-”

“He was only eighteen and Stark was what? 36? 37? Pathetic.” Thor snaps as they stumble out of the bar. “He must have been truly desperate to return to his bed.”

Steve blinks twice in surprise and watches Thor unsurely.

“I think maybe you should pipe down there, big guy. Don’t want you spilling all of Loki’s secrets.”

“He is a web of secrets.” Thor sighs as he throws himself into the front seat of Steve’s car. “No one will ever unravel him because he has wrapped himself in the strongest steel that no mere mortal could ever remove.”

 

.

 

“Loki, you actually have to touch her in order to dance with her!” Tony finally shouts out in frustration. 

Loki and Jane have been tip-toeing around each other all morning, neither of them fully committing themselves to the dance. Jane sighs and places her hands on her hips, shooting Loki a filthy glare. Their timing is off, their partnered moves are stiff and uncomfortable and each time Jane has to spin into Loki’s arms, she swears that she can feel him shake a little.

“I’m trying.” Jane snaps. “It’s Loki who-”

“It is like dancing with a plank of wood!” Loki exclaims. “I may as well be dancing alone-”

“I would rather dance on my own than dance with you-”

“Enough!” Tony bellows, causing everyone to fall silent. 

He looks between the two of them furiously before turning to the rest of the troupe.

“Half hour break. Leave the hall, get some fresh air and be back here before three please.” He orders.

The group files out silently as they watched Loki and Jane with curious eyes. Tony waits for Natasha to close the door behind her before continuing to speak.

“Ok. I know that a lot of serious shit has gone down between you two over the past few days. I also want you to understand that I can see why things may be a little hostile between you. But I have a show to run, a show that is premiering tomorrow night and I need to know right now if you guys think you can forget all about your Thor-troubles and actually dance together.”

Tony looks between them carefully. Jane sighs and her whole body just seems to deflate. She looks at Tony helplessly and shrugs her shoulders.

“I don’t know.” She admits quietly. “I thought I could but… I don’t know.”

Tony glances at Loki and he isn’t surprised to see that Loki has curled in on himself, his arms crossed defensively as he tilts his chin defiantly. It reminds Tony of when Loki was eighteen and scared and lost.

“Loki?” Tony prompts.

Loki jerks a little, his movements stiff.

“If she wishes for me to leave than I shall. But I cannot start again with another dance partner at this late stage.” He says softly.

Tony looks at Jane who shrugs.

“It’s up to you.” She sighs. “Whatever is best for the show, right?”

 

.

 

“Jane’s pregnant.” Thor croaks as his father hands him a hot mug of sweet, milky tea.

Odin does his best to keep his face neutral and nods.

“Not ideal but a wonderful gift all the same.” He says with a knowing nod.

Thor takes a huge gulp of the warm beverage and sighs.

“And now Loki has disappeared.” He mutters.

Odin raises an eyebrow.

“Without a trace?” he questions.

Thor shrugs.

“I know where he is.” He answers.

Odin nods slowly.

“But you don’t want to force him to return. Good man.”

Thor glances at his father, tears filling his blue eyes slowly. His bottom lip trembles as he looks at him anxiously.

“I’ve fucked up.” He whispers.

Odin smiles and shakes his head.

“You have not. You and Jane have not been happy for a long, long time. Loki will return if and when he is ready to accept what has happened and move on. He is scared.” Odin decides.

“Why would he be scared?” Thor demands. “He knows that I truly love him.”

Odin watches Thor carefully before he speaks again.

“Yes, but does he truly know what love is?”

Thor looks away and remembers all the nights that Loki held him tightly and asked him to show him love, to teach him how to love. He knows that Loki is damaged. But so is he. He has seen and felt the horrors of life. He too has felt as if he has been drowning without anything or anyone to save him.

“I am scared too.” Thor admits.

Odin laughs and claps Thor on the shoulder, his one good eye twinkling brightly.

“I would be worried if you were not, my son. But you have a good heart, as does Jane. I have no reason to doubt both of your love for each other and the baby.”

“Don’t tell Mother.” Thor pleads. “Not yet.”

Odin nods.

“Of course. You have my word.”

 

.

 

“I say we do this together.” Jane says as practice ends. “We either stay in this together or we leave together.”

Loki wipes the sweat from his forehead and watches her carefully. His green eyes narrow slightly and he leans against the cool, wall behind him.

“You have certainly changed your tune from earlier.” He points out.

Jane smiles faintly.

“I’ve thought about it and if we’re going to be raising a child together than the least we can do is-”

“Excuse me?” Loki snaps. “What have I to do with your child?”

Jane’s eyes widen slightly.

“Have you not spoken to Thor?” she demands.

Loki shakes his head slowly.

“No. I have not seen the oaf in nearly two days.” He says slowly.

Jane silently curses her big mouth and glances at Loki anxiously.

“Any chance you want to forget what I just said until Thor brings in up at a later date?” she asks hopefully.

Loki opens his mouth to answer but falls silent as Tony enters their dressing room, a small smile on his face.

“That was better. You guys were better.” He declares. “Please get your shit together and do that again tomorrow night.”

They both nod, neither of them really listening. Tony sighs happily and places his hands on his hips.

“I feel like noodles tonight.” He decides. “I’ll be in the car, Lokes. We can go to that cute little noodle bar.”

He waves at Jane before exiting the room. Jane looks at Loki in surprise, her brows furrowed as she puts the pieces together.

“Are you guys still-”

“That is neither your business nor Thor’s.” Loki snaps as he pulls a heavy, black jumper on over his leggings. “And I would appreciate if you kept this to yourself.”

Jane frowns.

“You can’t fuck Tony around the way you did me. That’s not fair, Loki.”

Loki snorts and shoves his dance gear into the bag at his feet.

“Tony knows everything. It is your beloved Thor that does not.” 

Jane gapes at him.

“M-my beloved Thor? He’s not exactly mine anymore, not after what you’ve done with him.”

Loki rolls his eyes and steps into a battered pair of converse, a bored expression on his face.

“I’m done with him and you can tell him that when he crawls back into your bed with his tail between his legs.”

“He loves you!” Jane exclaims. “He is head over heels in love with you.”

“How dull.” Loki sniffs before shoving past her.

Jane grabs onto the sleeve of his jumper and glares up at him fiercely. 

“If you hurt him, Loki, I’ll-”

“What?” Loki counters, towering over her angrily. “What is it you’ll do to me? You have already taken him from me by trapping him in your honey. How convenient that you fall pregnant with his child as soon as he begins to drift away from you. That is quite the coincidence, Ms. Foster.”

Jane blinks at him in shock.

“You think I would try and keep him when he clearly loves someone else? I told him to stay with you, Loki. Because he loves you, although I can’t understand why.” She snaps.

“I do not want your charity. You can have him, he is nothing special.”

Loki slams the door behind him and leaves. Jane stares at the door long after it has shut and wonders how Thor would have left her for that.

 

.

 

Tony doesn't ask why Loki is crying as they drive home in silence. 

Neither does he question why he refuses to eat and stares at his phone for hours.

And he definitely isn't surprised to open his front door at two in the morning to a rather wild looking Thor.

"I guess I should let you in." Tony says with a smirk.

"Where is he?" Thor demands, shoving past Tony roughly.

Loki is standing behind them, wrapped in one of Tony's old hoody's. He blinks at Thor slowly before shrugging one shoulder.

"I never meant to start a war."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Nearly 100% sure that this is the penultimate chapter guys. Thank you so much for all the love and support so far and I can only hope that you have enjoyed reading this as I have writing it!

Thor rushes towards Loki, drawing himself up to full height and although there is only a slight height difference between the two, Thor manages to make himself look terrifying.

“Are you stupid?” he demands as he crowds Loki’s personal space. “Do you not realize how much I love you? Why would you return to a man who makes you miserable?”

Tony wants to fight back. He wants to hurt Thor. He wants to make Thor feel as small as he does. But Loki is looking at him over Thor’s shoulder, his green eyes round and pleading. 

Tony never could refuse those eyes. Not even when he woke one night to Loki emptying his wallet and stealing his watch.

Those green eyes had watched him widely and fearfully and something stirred inside Tony's stomach that told him to just do the right thing.

So, he remains silent and leans against the wall beside him, watching Thor coolly. Thor pays him no mind and places his heavy hands on Loki’s shoulders.

“When will you stop this madness?” he mutters lowly. “When will you-”

“Let go of me.” Loki whispers.

Thor’s grip tightens.

“Loki-”

“Let me go!” 

Thor does so reluctantly, slowly taking a step back and Tony cannot help but smirk. If there was one thing that caused Loki to freak, it was the feeling of losing control or being pressured.

“Why did you come here?” Loki asks quietly, not looking at Thor, instead staring down at his own bare feet, his brow furrowed.

Thor shrugs.

“Because I love you.”

Tony snorts at this causing both Thor and Loki to look at him. Thor looks like he wants to hit him whereas Loki simply looks sad. 

“Can you give us a moment?” Loki asks. 

Tony wants to protest. He wants to drag Thor out of his house by his pretty blonde head. He wants to make Loki promise that he’s not about to hurt him again. 

He wants to rip out his own heart and tear in to shred because he is so fucking tired of feeling like this.

He doesn't though.

“Sure. We needed milk anyway.” He says calmly as he steps into his trainers.

Thor snorts this time and raises one eyebrow at Tony who quickly vacates the room and slams the door behind him. 

Once he has left the apartment, he begins to run. He runs down the corridor and through the buildings double doors. He races down the street and doesn’t stop running until he feels as if he cannot breathe.

Only then does he allow himself a moment to think.

“You’re a stupid fuck, Stark.” He pants as he leans against the rough brick wall.

And Loki knows it too.

 

.

 

“Why are you here? Why have you taken five steps back?” Thor demands unhappily, his arms folded across his chest.

Loki closes his eyes and shrugs.

“Because I shouldn’t have taken those six steps forwards.” He sighs. “It has only ended exactly how I feared it would.”

“What has ended, Loki? There is no ending here! We can continue on as we always have!” Thor exclaims, gesturing wildly.

Loki’s eyes snap open and he stares at Thor as if he has grown several heads.

“Are you being deliberately obtuse? Do you think I wish to be the man that tore yet another family apart?” he accuses bitterly. “I do not need any more guilt drowning my conscience.”

“But can you not be a part of the family?” Thor asks softly. “Can you not see-”

“Thor!” Loki snaps. “Let it go!”

Thor frowns.

“I don’t want to.”

Loki stares at him, his green eyes wide.

“You are being selfish.” He points out.

Thor shakes his head.

“No. You are being the selfish one. You have already torn my family apart and now you wish to flee because things have gotten messier than you previously anticipated. Do not forget that you are the one that initiated all of this.” Thor warns.

Loki laughs humourlessly.

“I did not force you to kiss me! Or sleep with me! You did all of this out of your own free will.” He growls.

“I never would have done so if I thought for a moment that you wanted it less than I did.” Thor says simply.

Loki lets out a short, sharp shriek and glares at Thor, his eyes narrowed.

“Are you trying to infuriate me Odinsson?” he hisses. 

Thor smirks.

“No, but if I were I would be most proud of my handiwork.” 

Loki’s nostrils flare as he takes a step forward, almost standing chest to chest with Thor. They eye each other dangerously for a moment, like animals, circling each other heatedly. 

“I do not want you.” Loki snaps viciously.

“Liar.” Thor huffs with a laugh.

Loki’s eyes narrow in disbelief and he purses his lips tightly.

“I have long wondered how someone could be born so big-headed, so sure of oneself. Especially you. You have no reason for pride, Odinsson. You are a failure in most respects and your mother knows it. That is why she cannot let go of Balder. Because he was the only one who was actually making something of himself, despite his flaws. You’re just a nobody. A long time ago you were somebody but now you are nothing.” He spits, now standing chest to chest with Thor. “And I can taste it on you, smell it from each of your pores. You ooze desperation and regret. So I’ll never understand how you can justify your arrogance.”

Loki knows what is coming before it actually happens. It doesn’t make the blow hurt any less when Thor punches him in the jaw, sending him reeling, his whole body almost convulsing in shock and pain.

He laughs humourlessly as he looks at Thor, holding his mouth with a smirk.

“I seem to have struck a nerve.” He chuckles.

“I feel sorry for you.” Thor says simply, feeling horribly numb.

Loki’s eyes become slits once more as his face twists grotesquely. 

“I do not want your pity!” he snarls. “Everything I have achieved, I have done so myself! I am finally going to make a name for myself tomorrow night and when I do it will be the sweetest of climaxes! It will be something not even your family drama can destroy.”

Thor remains silent. He is confused. He knew that there was something dark in Loki. He could always feel it, catching glimpses of it from time to time. But he never thought it was like this. He never Loki could cut him with his words in such a way that Thor feels as if he should be physically bleeding.

“I love you.” Thor says slowly and clearly. “That is all I came here to say. To let you know that I love you and that I want us to be together. Do what you wish with that information.”

Loki’s face crumples, becoming something softer and more innocent.

“I don’t want you to love me.” He whispers. “This is too hard.”

Thor nods stiffly.

“So be it.”

Thor leaves and when he does, Loki slides along the wall to the floor and curls himself in a ball, watching the front door, the dull ache in his jaw the only thing reminding him that he is not completely frozen.

 

.

 

When Tony returns home some two hours later, the flat is empty. 

He isn’t surprised, just hurt.

There is a note scrawled on a scrap of paper on his coffee-table. Tony slowly approaches it and picks it up.

“Gone to clear my head.” Tony reads aloud. “Am alone and wish to stay that way. Loki.”

 

.

 

Loki flits and spins across the stage, moving with agility and precision. He dances to imaginary music, silently counting out each beat as he seems to almost float across the well-polished floor. He bends one knee and raises his leg, turning and turning until the room blurs. He locks his knees and leaps into the air, spinning as he flies. He lands perfectly and smiles to himself as he straightens up, jumping a little as he hears the gentle clapping coming from behind him.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Loki turns to Jane’s smiling face.

“No.” he huffs reluctantly.

Jane winks at him.

“Same. I thought I’d come here for some alone time and practice but it looks like you beat me to it.” She teases.

Loki sighs and turns his back to her, looking out at the empty rows of seats.

“I didn’t think it would be like this.” He admits. “I never thought I would feel this way.”

He can hear Jane padding across the stage towards him. She stops a few steps behind him.

“It’s strange, isn’t it? Feeling so strongly about one person, makes you feel kind of helpless.”

Loki nods.

“I feel utterly and completely powerless.” He concedes.

Jane laughs again.

“Believe me, Loki, you have all the power.”

And it sounds more bitter than she intended but Loki takes no notice.

“I know that I have done you wrong.” He says softly, turning to face Jane once more. “And for that I sincerely apologize. It was never my intention for you to get hurt.”

Jane nods.

“I know.”

“I wasn’t trying to steal him.” Loki whispers.

Jane smiles sadly.

“You didn’t steal him. He hasn’t been mine for a long, long time, Loki.”

Loki outstretches his arm and offers Jane his hand.

“You were my first true friend and I’m sorry that I ruined that.”

Jane places her smaller hand in his and shakes her head.

“You haven’t ruined it. I’m still your friend if you want me?”

Loki blinks at her in surprise and tilts his head to the side.

“You are such a strange person.” He breathes. “You love easily and forgive quicker.”

Janes smiles warmly, her hazel eyes sparkling brightly.

“That’s how it should be, Loki. People shouldn’t harbour hate or resentment. It poisons a soul.”

Loki huffs out a breath of laughter and glances up at the ceiling above them.

“I do not deserve your kindness.”

He feels Jane wrapping her slender arms around his strong waist and he embraces her happily.

“You deserve to be loved, Loki.” She whispers. “You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. Allow yourself that much at least.”


	17. FINAL CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. The end is upon us. A thousand thank you's for all the love and support over the past few months. I hope you guys enjoyed it. If you want to read more of my work I have just started another AU which should be updated later today as well! Please, for the last time, kudos, comment, critique! Much love. XO

“If you love him, you won’t give up.” Fandral says as he shoves great mounds of mashed potato and bacon slices into his mouth. “It took Sif a long time before she realized she loved me too.”

“Yes, but Loki is without reason, Sif is not.” Thor sighs miserably.

Sif snorts and rolls her eyes, eyeing Thor in clear disdain.

“Why must you act like some downtrodden pup? You are Thor Odinsson! Odinsson’s do not lie down and take it like some mute whore. You get up and you fight and you make Loki see reason!” she declares passionately, banging her fist against the wooden table in front of her.

Thor laughs quietly and shakes his head.

“I wish I could summon enough energy to do such a thing, Sif. But I am weary.” He mumbles. "I am tired."

He is so tired. 

He thinks that he is almost too tired to care and that scares him because Thor has never felt like that, he has never lost so much energy before. He thinks that Loki drains him, that he is some sort of bottomless pit that sucks the life and happiness from him. He feels too full yet hollow. He feels as if he has been stretched to the brim and yet there is nothing inside him.

“You need to ask yourself if it is worth it.” Fandral shrugs as if everything is simple.

Thor envies him.

 

.

 

Loki warms up alongside the other dancers and tries to forget everything else. He tries to push everything to the back of his mind and just focus on the beauty and wonder of the dance he is about to perform.

But Tony is watching him with eyes that ache with sadness and a bottom lip that has clearly been chewed and gnawed on from anxiety. Loki wants to vomit. He knows that he is the cause of Tony’s sleepless night and he hates the way it make him feel. A part of him is torn and shredded from guilt but a much larger part of him wants to shout at Tony, wants to tear at him and ask him if he’s being deliberately obtuse. Tony must know that Loki despises him. He must realize that the only reason Loki crawled back into his bed was with the hope that he would be enough to keep Thor away.

He hardly believes that Loki actually loves him. Does he?

“Wrong step, Loki.” Steve whispers from his right as Loki prepares to spin, four steps ahead of the rest of the group.

Loki glances at him and finds that he is almost repulsed by the kind smile on Steve’s face. Steve stretches out his arm, elongating the limb and continues to smile at Loki. He slides to the left and then winks.

“Now it’s time for the spin.” he whispers, the smile fading from his face as his features seem to drown in sorrow.

Loki remains stock still as he watches Steve spin with tight precision. Realization dawns on him and suddenly he feels as if he can breathe again.

 

.

 

Thor remembers when he first became confused. He can remember his fascination with strong, blonde, tanned men that looked like his brother. He can recall the hot summer days spent outside playing football with his fellow topless teens. They would run and play and tackle each other and if Thor sometimes left a lingering touch or appreciated someone’s body a bit too much, no one noticed.

Except Thor himself, of course, and that killed him.

Because Balder was perfect and wonderful and handsome and had every beautiful woman chasing him and Thor wanted to be just like him. Thor wanted people to look up to him and love him and want him. He wanted to be the perfect son, the happy son, the golden one with the dazzling smile.

If he were gay he couldn’t have any of that.

Thor can remember asking Balder about men.

“Men, women, cats, dogs, what does it matter as long as you’re not hurting anyone?” Balder had sniffed dismissively.

“So you think being gay is okay?” Thor asked slowly.

Balder laughed loudly and clapped his younger brother on the back.

“Anything is okay as long as you are happy.” Balder promised.

That summer Thor had shared his first kiss with a boy. They had kissed during a game of ‘Dares’ at some house party. Thor had been horribly drunk and the kiss had been terribly sloppy. But he had felt something ignite in his stomach, something that told him that he might be a little more gay than he had previously anticipated. 

“I like boys.” Thor had told Balder the following morning.

Balder had ruffled his hair and winked.

“And I like crack, but that’s our little secret, ok?”

Thor had laughed at the time, not for a second believing that Balder had been serious. He had never even entertained the thought that his brother might have been a drug addict.

And Thor has learned to live with the guilt of his brother’s death ever since the police had turned up at the door that terrible day. 

That is why he cannot give up on Loki.

“He needs me.” He tells his father quietly.

Odin pats his knee.

“Then help him realize that but do not force it; if he is being deliberately blind then you must accept that and move on."

Thor opens his mouth to argue but Odin squeezes his knee gently and silences him.

"He is not Balder, Thor. You cannot save him by trapping Loki."

 

.

 

Tony stares at Loki, his eyes wide and his mouth open slightly.

“I don’t think I heard you properly.” He says slowly.

Loki swallows his smile and shakes his head.

“You heard me quite clearly.” He states simply. “I want to give you something that I have not tainted.”

Tony blinks twice and turns to look at Jane.

“He’s joking. You two are joking.”

Jane places her small hand over Tony’s and smiles warmly.

“I wish we were.” She says sadly.

“You will get your success without me.” Loki explains. “It will be a beautiful performance regardless of who the male lead is. I want to give you this, to thank you for all you have done for me and to apologise for all that I have failed to do in return.”

Tony shakes his head quickly.

“No, Loki, you’ve worked too hard for this, this is your big break and-”

“We need a clean break, Tony.” Loki says softly. “My success cannot be attributed to your production. I need to get away from you, we’re not good for each other, you know we’re not.”

Tony frowns deeply and purses his lips.

“You’re being an idiot.”

Loki shrugs.

“I love you.” Tony insists. “I want this for you, irrespective of how you feel about me.”

“Stop loving me.” Loki demands. “Find yourself someone else and move on, Tony. I can’t do this any more. I’m sorry.”

 

.

 

Steve almost needs to sit down when Tony tells him that he’ll be taking the lead role for the opening performance. 

“Really? Do you think I’m ready?” he exclaims excitedly.

Tony smiles widely and claps him on the back enthusiastically. 

“Uh huh, sure thing kiddo! The big lights are all yours.”

Steve jumps up and down on the spot and thanks God for his big break.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He gabbles. “This is the best thing that has ever happened to me, thank you!”

Tony forces a wider smile and nods in agreement, wishing the tears burning the back of his eyes away.

 

.

 

Thor meets Loki by their spot in the café, the exact booth where they had sat the night that it had all began.

“You wanted to talk?” Thor says cautiously.

“I’m quitting ballet.” Loki whispers. “I’ve quit dancing and suddenly I feel as if I can breathe again.”

He looks up at Thor, his green eyes sparkling brightly.

“Have you any idea how amazing this feels? For years I have felt as if I am drowning, being pulled down by some sort of invisible force and when I walked out of there, knowing I wasn’t going to return, I almost felt this surge of oxygen filling my lungs and letting me breathe again.” Loki chuckles.

He reaches across the table and places his hand over Thor’s.

“I’m leaving. I’m going far away. France, Spain maybe. Somewhere I don’t speak the language and I don’t know anyone and I have no way of communicating and I am going to just sit on a beach and breathe, Thor. Doesn’t that sound amazing?”

Thor glances at him and he can see the excitement dancing in Loki’s eyes and tugging at his smile. He looks much happier than Thor has ever seen him before and Thor cannot help but smile back.

“And where does that leave us?” he asks almost playfully, ignoring the painful thudding of his heart.

The excitement on Loki’s fades a little as his thumb strokes patterns on the back of Thor’s hand.

“Jane needs you.”

“You need me more.”

Loki catches his eye and shakes his head.

“She is having your child, Thor. I suggest you grovel and make her take you back and the two of you raise that child together. You’re a good person and you’ll be a wonderful father.”

Thor can feel a lump in his throat. He can also feel a terrible surge of anger rushing through him, wanting to spill out and throttle Loki.

“You cannot just leave me, not after everything we have promised and planned!” He snaps.

Loki pulls his hand away slowly, biting his lip apologetically.

“I am not leaving you, Thor. I am leaving this life. I am going to become a new, better, happier person.” He explains.

Thor shakes his head and opens his mouth to argue but Loki leans across the table and silences him with a kiss. Thor wants to fight him but finds that he has no strength left. Their mouths move against one another slowly, a deep sadness pulling them together like some sort of magnetic force. When Loki pulls away Thor knows that it is over.

“If I talk to your star will you collect the messages?” Thor asks softly.

Loki’s eyes meet his and Thor can see that Loki loves him.

“Of course.” He promises. “Maybe we’ll meet in another life.”

Loki flashes a quick wink as he gets to his feet, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth and he looks every inch the smug young man Thor first met all those weeks ago.

Thor extends his hand one last time and their fingertips brush as Loki walks by, exiting the shop and this life forever.

 

THE END.


End file.
